North Texas mother speaks out after losing daughter to suicide
DeSOTO (CBSNewsTexas.com) – "She had everything. She was beautiful. She was smart."
Looking back, Arlana Miller – a popular DeSoto High School cheerleader – was also incredibly adept at hiding her mental health struggles.
In May of last year, just weeks from completing her freshman year at Southern University and A&M College in Baton Rouge, she posted a suicide note on Instagram.
After leaving another note for her mother in her car, the girl who was always smiling took her own life. Her mother, Janice Miller, says she was blindsided.
"In the letter she said, 'Mom, I was just hurting'," shares Miller. "And that broke my heart."
Miller, a veteran educator, says she spends her days caring for others – teachers and students alike – and was initially tormented about what she might have missed in her own home.
"I didn't see my own daughter struggling," she admits, with a heartbroken sigh. "That was the hardest thing. But I'm learning every day that when someone is battling something internal, you can't see it. Especially when they're putting on a mask every day and don't want you to see it."
She says Arlana was the "strong friend" who was always eager to support others. And now her loss has given her still grieving mother a new mission: mental health.
"I think she knew in her heart that 'my Mom was gonna do something'... and I think she felt like she needed to tell me even after death, what she was struggling with and explain to me why she did what she did."
Miller has since launched the Arlana Janell Miller Check on your Strong Friends Foundation to help erase the stigma associated with mental health care – especially in the minority community. The group held an inaugural community walk in DeSoto in May.
"We had so many people! It also let me know that people are listening."
And the faith community in Dallas' southern sector is listening as well – with many churches in the area offering free mental health services.
"The church always steps up whenever there is a need in the black community," says Dr. Brenda Wall, a licensed clinical psychologist and ordained minister serving at Friendship-West Baptist church.
Dr. Wall acknowledges that there was a time when the minority community was more resistant to acknowledging mental health struggles, but she says times have changed. And the Black church has been critical in changing the narrative. They're also a critical access point for care.
"So certainly, on mental health we're seeing the church become aware of how it can be that beacon that helps people understand: oh, you can get better! Depressed? Oh, we can address depression. Suicide – we can even help you with that. We can become a part of the larger conversation on health and healing and wholeness."
It is the most brutal lie that depression tells its victims – that the struggles won't get better.
"I just believe she had a moment and, in that moment, she felt like this was it for her," shares Miller. "And I don't want any kid to feel like that."
Miller says part of what has kept her going during this past difficult year – along with what she calls the 'unseen prayers' of strangers, her faith, and her church family at Community Missionary Baptist in Desoto – is knowing that she can help others.
A book and journal sharing Arlana's story is slated to be released soon. And Miller is reminding those struggling that help is available-- whether that's talking to a parent, school counselor, teacher or extended family member. And she's reminding parents to be ready to listen.
"Arlana was that strong friend. And I think she felt like she couldn't tell us what was bothering her. I've read that people who are really strong find it easier to carry the burden than to explain that they're not okay. So please, check on your strong friends. I don't want another parent to get the call I got."
If you or someone you know if struggling with mental health, or having suicidal thoughts you can reach the suicide and crisis lifeline by calling or texting 988.
