A Rare Medium Well Done: 10.22.12
In the dictator, TASS-like information dispensing ways of Valley Ranch these days, it is determined that releasing the final score is permissible.
Cowboys 19. Panthers 14.
A rare triumph for the Former Dallas Cowboys. They managed to do the impossible and improbable. They actually found a team dumber than they are.
Dumb, meet dumber.
In a boring and at times grotesque display of insanity, the Former Cowboys rode a mistake-laden performance to knot their season record at a meager 3-3. A quick gaze into the crystal ball sees a .500 team cruising in at 8-8 when we flip the calendar to 2013.
You are what you are. Don't allow this teeth-skin, thin win mask the fact that an ordinary squad beat a horrible team. And in the end, they had to rub the rosary beads to put Cam and his boys outside the sacred sanctuary.
Of the first nine plays in this game, the Former Dallas Cowboys committed four mistakes. Dan Bailey faded the opening kick-off out of bounds. Dez threw a tantrum and was flagged for unsportsman-like conduct. Kevin Ogletree ran an idiotic three yard pattern when they needed four for a first down. And there was a penalty on the ensuing punt.
This team is on a record pace for stupidity.
The running game that most had declared fixed last week was back to its normal dismal ways. 31 totes for 81 yards. A lean 2.7 yards a cart. Not exactly Dorsett/Emmitt-esque.
Dropped passes? You wanna talk about buttered mits? How about five. The obscene Ogletree had two. Felix had his usual lapse of hands. Witten checked in. And the most glaring, Dez got into the cement-paws affair.
Ah Dez. What a piece of work this dude is. A little investigative analysis shows that the faux 88 has played 32 games with the Former Dallas Pro team. In those contests, twelve times he has gone an entire half with one catch or none. And seven times its been zero.
Dez=Do Expect Zilch. Oh course he dropped a perfect Romo pass that would've been a touchdown and put the game outta Carolina reach. But as is his custom, when the lights are bright, he ain't.
Good thing kick-meister Bailey was spot-on and true all day. Four treys for him. 12-13 on the year for the man from Okie City. And I give him a pass on the one miss. He was not to blame for the estranged butchering of the clock last week. But if the Former Dallas Cowboys want to vault to the next level, they had better start marking factors of seven and not multiples of three. Translated: score touchdowns not field goals.
But I must report (as demanded by Kremlin Valley Ranch) that they did win the ballgame. Avoiding a submersed two games south of .500 is a diamond deed for this blockheaded team. Are they in the race. Technically, yes. Realistically, forget it. Heavy-handed czar Mr.Jones says this team SHOULD contend for a championship THIS season. Jerry is a man enshrouded in the gauzy myth of a lost world. It's almost sorrowful.
A win is a win is a win. I suppose that's accurate. Traveling east to an original colony state is often mentally taxing. Particularly for the bunko artists that claim to be the Dallas Cowboys. Playing in a gospel mill of a town that is the entrance ramp to the bible-belt is rough sledding. Especially when the stadium is located on Billy Graham Drive. But it took some divine intervention to salt this win away. A very questionable horse-collar call breathed a last strand of lifeforce into the Former Dallas team. Being lucky always trumps the complicated mixture of accomplishment and dreadful mistakes. Tobacco Road gummed up the perception of reality. But it was nice to see Rob and his merry-men enjoy a nice victory cigar. Why not sample the fruits of the Tar Heel State? After all, they did win.
In the end the team resembled sheepish schoolboys getting an award they didn't deserve.
It's always superior to suck less than your opponents suck.
And the Valley Ranch mafia will in fact release the final score. We can safely (and hopefully with no untoward consequences) report the final score.
The Former Dallas Cowboys 19
Carolina Panthers 14.
Thank God! And the foot of Dan Bailey.
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