East Bay family of fallen soldier found solace in Gold Star community
CONCORD - The family of Army Captain John Hallett, III visited his memorial on the campus of his alma mater, De La Salle High School this week to share his story as the Bay Area comes together to celebrate the military with San Francisco Fleet Week.
"A lot of hours spent here," Wendy Hallett, his mother, said on campus. "It's important to be talking about our loss and our son."
The family thought of the school as a second home between the years of 1994 and 2003, all three of their sons graduated from De La Salle. Hallett would find his calling to serve in the military while at school, and would go on to attend West Point like his uncle.
"Well, he was a fun kid, he was full of mischief, he was not a gung-ho military kind of kid growing up, he was all about making friends," his mother told KPIX 5. "Like everyone said, they all thought he was their best friend."
Hallett got married in 2003 and served in Iraq. As he and his wife Lisa started a family, they had two boys, and a third child on the way when he deployed to Afghanistan in 2009. He was killed two weeks later and never met his daughter.
"Our focus and our sacrifice has been to deal with Lisa and the three children," said his father, John Hallett, Jr. "I can never complain, my sense of loss just doesn't even come close."
As Gold Star parents, they have leaned on their military community over the years and connected with other families thanks to organizations like TAPS, the Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors. His father says he has met other parents who had no other children or grandchildren and thinks of their loss to put into perspective the death of his son.
"Well when the soldiers came to the door, [my husband] was essentially devastated, and I was like, 'We got to let these people in, this is hard for them too,'" Wendy Hallett said. "I kind of felt like we were invited into something bigger that other people had experienced."
The couple has become active members of TAPS, helping other families after they reach out to the nonprofit. The organization helps military families regardless of how their service member passed away. In recent years, they're hearing from loved ones with a service member who died by suicide or because of injuries from their time in the military or an illness related to it.
"TAPS is a family and we come together not because someone has died in the military but because someone who we loved, lived a life that included selfless service to this country," said Bonnie Carroll, the president and founder of the nonprofit. "Just knowing they are not alone is life-saving, to know that at your darkest hours there are others who are going to come alongside you and pull you through those very, very difficult times."
Carroll started TAPS nearly 30 years ago after the husband was killed in an Army plane crash. She said the organization works all year to provide services at no cost to their families while remaining independent from the Department of Defense.
"They understand that each family member has their own path of grief that they have to go through," John Hallett, Jr. told KPIX 5.
Hallett has become a mentor to his father as a man who packed so much life into his 30 years on earth.
His father said he can draw inspiration regularly from how Hallett conducted himself as a leader in the Army, doing the tough work in the field along with his soldiers. Hallett's faith as a Catholic remained with him until the day he died, the family learned he attended Mass and received Communion just days before he was killed. A model for future generations, including at the Catholic boys school that has a memorial in his honor.
"They walked this campus just like these kids are now and then they went out and made the ultimate sacrifice and it's real," his father said of the current students who pass by the stone tribute by the library.
The pride they showed on campus and the strength they maintain doesn't take way from the sadness of missing their son each day.
"You know you always hear on the news, oh it's them, it's them, and no it was us," Wendy Hallett said. "It never ends, but our son in my opinion is with me all the time."
Her love for the military has only grown since her son's death. She enjoys the work she does with TAPS and with Blue Star parents in the Bay Area to support the few who serve for all of us. She remains grateful that our country can maintain a volunteer military.
"I wanted to go hiking with him, biking with him and he was always too busy with his life, so it's like when I go hiking now or go on a bike ride, I got Johnny with me," she said. Her son also lives on in all of her grandchildren. "Seeing a little of his sparkle in one and his handsomeness in the other one, and his brilliance in another one. We see him everywhere."
Their message during Fleet Week is to ask communities around the Bay Area to not only honor the ultimate sacrifice made by so many service members but also celebrate their incredible lives.
"Our son served, and our son is gone, and he's gone for good, and that just hits home," Wendy Hallett said.
To learn more about TAPS, visit https://www.taps.org/. The organization's 24/7 National Military Survivor Helpline: 1-800-959-TAPS (8277). You can call if you lost a loved one in the military or know someone who did, regardless of how the service member died.
