7 Athletes You'd Want To Do Your Black Friday Shopping For You
Ross Kelly, CBS Local Sports
Thanksgiving is over and the good news is that you got to spend quality time with friends, family, and food. But the bad news is that you ate so much turkey, pumpkin pie, and a host of other things; you can barely get off the couch or roll out of the bed. Perfect timing for Black Friday shopping right? Fortunately, you’ve enlisted 7 athletes to do your Black Friday shopping for you (if only life could be this easy). Some of these athletes are big, some are fast, and one is extremely tall; but they all serve a unique purpose and will help you get exactly what you’re looking for. It was hard to limit this to just seven athletes, and it certainly open for debate; but here is my list of the 7 athletes I would want to do my Black Friday shopping:
Rob Gronkowski – This one was a given. Gronk recently shared that he learned how to cook a turkey so why not sign him up for a two-for-one? Cook the turkey on Thursday and then go shopping on Friday. Something tells me Gronk would do his most damage in the middle aisles. I just hope he saves the spikes for Sundays and doesn’t get too excited once he reaches the register.
DeSean Jackson – As Gronk works the middle aisles, I need some speed on the outside. Just as D-Jax has never run a route inside the hashes on the football field, I doubt he’s ever ventured into the middle aisles of a store. But this one-trick pony can at the very least run clear-out routes that will grab the attention of other shoppers, security guards, and surveillance cameras.
Earl Campbell – I’m talking about late 70s/early 80s Earl Campbell and he has to wear that Oiler Columbia blue. Before there was Marshawn Lynch, Mike Alstott, or Jerome Bettis; Campbell was the NFL’s premiere power back. To put it bluntly, if Earl Campbell wants to go somewhere, there is nobody that can stop him. That one must-own item that you need to get your hands on? Send for Earl.
Walter Tavares – Who? The name likely only rings a bell to the most diehard of Atlanta Hawks fans but the backup center has something that no other NBA player has ever had: a standing reach of 9’10”!!! In other words he can reach the rim when standing on his tippy-toes. Don’t you think he would come in handy when grabbing those top, top, top shelf items? He’s not getting much playing time in Atlanta so he should definitely be available.
Ronda Rousey Holly Holm – She would be my partner-in-crime and by my side throughout the shopping experience. If another patron gets a little too “rowdy” then Holly would be sure to take care of him/her with both her hands and feet. My only worry is if she would even make it through the metal detector with that big gold belt strapped around her waist.
Kyle Busch – Speaking of speed, they come no faster than the newly-crowned Sprint Cup Series Champion. It almost goes without saying, but I would have Kyle circle the store counter-clockwise over, and over, and over, and over again. Even if he gets tripped up, we’ve already seen his resiliency and ability to bounce back. But there’s one caveat with Busch: I’d have to bring Joe Gibbs along as well. Perhaps the Redskins’ legend could be a positive influence on DeSean Jackson as well (doubtful).
Mary Jepkosgei Keitany – Oh yeah, I went there. Black Friday shopping isn’t a sprint (sorry Usain). This is a marathon so why not pick one of the greatest long-distance runners ever. Just a couple of weeks ago Keitany won her second New York City Marathon. She’s also won two London Marathons and anyone who can keep that kind of pace for 2+ hours will certainly come in handy during the later hours of Black Friday.
So, that’s my list of the athletes I would want to do my Black Friday shopping. Who’s on your list?
Ross Kelly is an Associated Producer for CBS Local Sports. He is from Louisiana and is a fan of all sports, but not of any teams (except LSU). He can be reached at ross.kelly@cbs.com.
