Proud About Pittsburgh: Fall shows us the beauty in letting go
It's difficult. It takes work. Accepting defeat or any change in your life is hard.
Letting go and acceptance are learned skills. You have to put effort into creating something good from something bad.
There are times when we deal with the pain of a relationship or a situation because we think we need to, that there is no alternative. Here's a secret: it's okay to walk away.
Truth is, you should be around people who lift you up. You should give back the great energy given to you by others. As the saying goes, it is hard to pour from an empty cup.
I spoke with Pittsburgher Amy Lynn Walsh, a Rapid Transformational Therapist and Mindset Coach, about some tried and true ways to let go in your life.
Set Appropriate Expectations:
Walsh says there is healing to be found in understanding and setting appropriate expectations about life, death, pain, relationships, and health.
She explains: Growing up, most parents try to shield their kids from pain. That could be the death of a loved one, terminal illness, or emotional struggles like bullying or breakups. They may try to minimize the issue to make it seem less impactful or painful.
There is a programming we have been indoctrinated in, that when something bad happens we have to hide it, ignore it, numb it out, or fear it because it is bad or painful instead of just seeing it as a normal part of life and expecting it.
Walsh goes on to say, "when we set expectations that change is a natural part of life and that it's nothing to fear, we can practice living in the present moment and enjoying the time we have with the people, places, jobs and moments we are creating every day.
This may look like:
"I'm so grateful for all the beautiful memories we have had with grandma."
"How lucky are we to have a dog that lived 12 years. He was such an important part of our family. We will miss him but always love and appreciate the time we had together."
"I'm sad to have grown apart from my best friend. But, we are clearly moving in different directions, and I'm at peace knowing this is the right decision for me."
"It's really hard to leave this job that I've had for 10 years. But, this new role is much more aligned and feels like the right match for my work-life balance and career goals."
I've always found that holding on to things we need to let go of is a reaction from our brains thinking it is safe to keep the familiar. I was born a worry wart, I worry about tomorrow, today, tonight, next year, what I will say, what they will say, how this email sounds, am I enough of this or that—Everything!
The most powerful way to tackle worry is to look it in the face and say to yourself, "IT IS OUT OF MY CONTROL."
Walsh suggests that we learn how to solve our obstacles in advance. Most of us know when and where our struggles lie.
Tips from Walsh for Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD):
"If you struggle with seasonal mood disorders, there are plenty of easy steps you can take to address this. Knowing that lack of sun exposure can affect our moods, supplement with vitamin D and magnesium."
"Make sure you are moving your body to get your endorphins going and hormones balanced (the gym is ideal for both exercise and a sense of community and connection), and make sure you are getting adequate sleep and nutrition. When you take care of your body, it will take care of you."
Walsh explains her techniques on letting go:
"When I'm teaching clients to let go, I often use the visual of looking forward instead of looking backward. Our mind loves a good story and often times we are extremely connected to old stories about ourselves, our lives, or other people that send us spinning down old self-sabotage cycles. Remember, your old story is what got you here. And, I assume, here is not where you want to be."
Choose a new story
Letting go of old stories and having the courage to choose a new one is key. Success is found in doing the work needed to shift your identity to create on purpose a new story that suits your ideal life.
Instead of feeling overwhelmed, caught off guard, or punished by life…accept that we have no control over outside circumstances and when we surrender to that idea, we can then focus on building resilience, feeling capable and confident to handle anything that comes our way.
True self-confidence is rooted in the ability to believe in yourself and know you can face life head-on, no matter what curve ball it may throw your way.
I know that I will be following Walsh's advice. There will be growing pains and transitional challenges, but overall, the outcome will be better. You will realize there is beauty in letting go.
