Back To School: Keeping open and consistent communication with your child this school year
PITTSBURGH (KDKA) - As the lion's share of school districts return to class today and tomorrow, students will be facing the "post-school interrogation."
Parents want to know how their days were, but it may be the last thing your child wants to talk about when they get home.
When the kids hit the door this afternoon, remember - they've been going full-tilt all day and have their own agenda in mind.
But it is natural for us parents to wonder and want to know...how did it go?
"Maybe just attending to basic needs first, do you need a drink of water? Do you need a little snack? Just maybe letting the kids have some downtime," said New Directions Clinical Director Dr. Allison Bashe.
She said to listen if they want to talk but maybe hold your questions for dinnertime and then just keep it simple.
Dr. Bashe does what she called "Roses, Leaves, and Thorns" with her kids.
"The roses are what were the good things you did today or that happened to you, the leaves are kind of the middle ground, and the thorns are 'this was a not-so-good thing' that happened to me today," she described.
She also advises parents to ask specific questions.
"Rather than just 'how was your day', especially with younger kids and teens, you tend to get maybe a little bit more out of them and find out a little bit more about how their day went," she explained.
You want to show you are interested without making it an interrogation so "Roses, Leaves, and Thorns" and then everyone takes a turn answering.
College students are also beginning to return to campus, as well, so Dr. Bashe also has suggestions for staying connected with your college student without calling or FaceTiming every night.
For parents, just because their college student is out of sight does not mean they're out of mind - so how can you stay in touch without becoming "that" parent?
Considering how electronically connected we are these days, you would think it would be easy, but for parents, the word to remember is "resist."
They arrive on campus wide-eyed and ready for freedom but you might not be ready to disconnect.
"Resist the temptation to be too engaged or in constant contact," Dr. Bashe said.
With FaceTime and texting it's a real risk to be in constant contact so Dr. Bashe suggests talking with your student and coming to an agreement on how much contact and when it will happen.
"If you say, I'd like a call every day and they say, 'you know, mom, dad, that's too much' then we come to a compromise," she said.
Also, a text is not just a text when it becomes two or three.
"Just one simple text a day to say, 'hey, I'm doing okay," Dr. Bashe cautioned. "If you agree on a weekly call and it doesn't really get started off the ground right away - be patient with your child. They're going through a transition, a whole new world out there. They're feeling independent."
Finally, Dr. Bashe said to wait to set up a connecting time until after they get their class schedule and you can agree to a particular time.
Also, keep in mind there is the chance they get busy with schoolwork, a social life, or extracurriculars and could get busy and forget. That's why parents have to be patient in order to keep the call from becoming a burden.
