The toll of Syria's war
Auger met Husam in 2008 while both were working with the UN Refugee Agency. When she visited him in Germany in 2013, she could hardly recognize him - "He was hostile, bitter and angry," she wrote.
Husam's best friend, Mohamad, left Syria suddenly, fearing his life was in danger. He fled to neighboring Lebanon and has bounced from country to country ever since.
Both men struggle with the grief and anxiety of war, as well as the guilt of being on the outside. In 2013, Auger captured their troubling experiences in a multimedia project, "This is not me: Enduring Syria's War."
The work is on view at the Gulf + Western Gallery at New York University through August 2013. Read on to see selected images from the project accompanied by text from Auger's interviews with the men.
Both men have requested their last name be omitted.
Mohamad
Everything was ok until the revolution start. Something inside me push me to go out to go to the demonstration.
Something happen inside me. And I say "Allah ho akbar," it is to start the demonstration. Everyone repeat it. There were like 500 people! It was the first demonstration in the area. Walla it was amazing.
Portrait taken in Damascus, Syria 2003
Mohamad
I was pushing Husam to go to the demonstration. He was saying "oh no I was afraid." I said you have to come you have to come! I start to blah blah blah in his mind and he change his mind because he is against the regime, but he was afraid and then he come.
Mohamad in his office, Damascus, Syria 2009
Husam
Yeah and then I went and I saw what was going on there. It was a different world. In the center of Damascus you are asking for freedom and for toppling the regime. In the center of Damascus! I mean you are not even allowed to say the word "Assad" in the street.
Photo taken in Jordan, 2010
Husam
Photo of Husam visiting Bedouins in Jordan, 2009
Mohamad
I ran away from Syria to Lebanon and then I went to Jordan. I went to Dubai. And then I went to Turkey. I came back to Jordan, I couldn't find anything. I went to Egypt, I spent a lot of time in Egypt looking for something I couldn't find.
I feel like someone following me always, everywhere.
Mohamad
Some of them won't speak to me. Some of them are arrested. Some of them are unknown.
I am the youngest, the only boy. My father was in a good health, but when I left Syria he was scared about me. And he was also very scared when the police attacked our house and he start to sick more and more and then he die. Nobody told me after two days. When my father died, everything in my life changed.
Mohamad
Husam
I came to Germany in mid-October.
I get money from my scholarship. I can survive with like 35 percent of it. Most of the rest I send to my mom who survives because of this along with my younger brother who lives with her. I work in a restaurant washing dishes because some of my friends needed money so I tried to send them some money.
Husam
I was watching every single thing that was posted on Facebook or on Youtube from friends. Many times I woke up at night having a nightmare. I might go to my work and have a normal day maybe some explosion is happening next to my house.
It is like have cancer in your body and you are not sure if you get rid of it or not.
Many times friends ask me, like when they laugh and when they enjoy their time, and they say like what's happening? I say I'm just thinking about my country.
Husam
I've spent most of my time in this room. Sigh.
Sometimes I talk with myself.
Mohamad
I was planning to stay there because I don't want to depend on anyone anymore. I went there because I was feeling guilty. I can live in my country without depending on anyone.
Mohamad
Mohamad
Husam
They have no food, no education, they are being massacred.
Husam
Because now I see how Bashar Al Assad controlled Bouti, who was killed, he is like the most prominent Sheikh in Syria.
Bouti was considered like a holy figure for the Muslims before the revolution. Bashar was controlling him and asking him to announce jihad against the revolution. Jihad in a secular state against the revolution! And he did it! He made the fatwa, like a motivation for Muslims to join the Syrian army to fight the rebellions.
Do I really believe in everything that my society taught me?
Husam
We got the scholarship together. We were trying to convince each other that "Ok, let's go abroad and get educated and come back to the country and let's help the people. It is not selfishness if we go out and we get educated because we have a chance now."
I had a very weird feelings a mixture of feeling guilty, selfishness, sad. I didn't know what to do. Why am I here and why he went back?
I was so shocked so so so shocked. I was like three days not believing this. Because it's like me going there and getting killed. And that
Mohamad
I always have the choice to go back to my country my city. I will not fight, I will go to free areas, sit with my, staying with my friends, doing something I don
Mohamad
Husam
Husam
Only sometimes to be honest when I talk with my mom and she makes these very nice jokes because I remember her and I laugh from my heart. But other than that, wallahi, you know, it is not easy to laugh, it is not easy to smile even.
Husam
They're dead economically, socially, they have lost everything so they don't want to lose like the last good thing which is feelings.
Mohamad
Mohamad
As Syrians we are not welcoming in any country, nobody help us. I came from Syria and I will come back there. It is the only country that they welcoming for Syrians because it is Syria.
You know like a human that came from soil and they came back to soil.
Husam
Because I am lost. I am lost in all aspects. I am lost culturally, I'm lost regarding my faith.
I'm not angry. I am desperate. I am not angry.
Husam
I would never react the way I am reacting now.
This is not me.