Dumb criminals

Admittedly, committing a crime isn't the smartest move a person can make. Some criminals, however, seem to be more lacking in the intelligence department than others.

In September 2015, a 30-year-old man in Buguruslan, Russia tried to steal an enormous drill by sticking it down his pants. The process was captured in full on the hardware store's CCTV cameras.

Ash Wednesday selfie

The Los Angeles Police Department released this undated photo in February 2016.

Authorities believe the unidentified pair took selfies with a Kindle stolen from a car in the Reseda neighborhood of Los Angeles one day before Ash Wednesday. Unfortunately, the photo they pair took with the stolen Kindle automatically uploaded to the owner’s cloud account. 

Alleged smugglers Instagram trip

Two Canadian women could face life in prison after allegedly smuggling more than $30 million Canadian dollars worth of cocaine into Australia ... a trip they heavily documented on Instagram.

Melina Roberge, 22, and Isabelle Lagacé, 28, cruised the globe for nearly two months before their arrest, Instagraming their travels the entire time.

Couple posts selfie with stolen money

John Mogan, 28, had just served five years for bank robbery, when he walked into the Savings Bank of Asheville on August 24, 2015, and allegedly robbed it.

He and his 24-year-old girlfriend Ashley Duboe then snapped a series of selfies with the apparently stolen cash and posted them to Facebook. A lot of people looked at the photos, including the police, and the couple was apprehended shortly after.

Robber steals money, leaves ID

In June 2013, Zachary Tentoni, 26, allegedly snatched a Boston woman’s wallet as she walked near Harbor Middle School in Dorchester, Massachusetts. In the process, he successfully got away with her ID and $40. He, however, dropped his birth certificate and a note from his mother in the scuffle at the scene, making it pretty easy for Boston authorities to track him down.

Robbers make asses of themselves

In January 2013, three men in Juan de Acosta, Colombia went on a crime spree, in which they stole a 10-year-old donkey named Xavi from his owner, then attempted to use the animal as their getaway vehicle during a heist.

Around 2 a.m., the men broke into a local grocery store and loaded Xavi up with pilfered rum, oil, rice, and cans of sardines. The donkey then sounded the alarm on them... or, rather, he began braying so loudly that the police were alerted. In the end, the thieves were forced to abandon their stolen goods and flee on foot.

So, you can pin a tail on a donkey, but you apparently can’t pin your loot on one and expect to get away with it.

Burglar falls through roof

A crucial part of any successful burglary is the preliminary canvassing of the crime scene. Does it have easy entry? Valuables that make the target worth the risk? How about sturdy footing?

Well, in July 2015, a burglar in Abilene, Texas obviously failed to include that last feature on his target checklist because, when he climbed up onto the roof of the Texas Metals and Recycling building, he fell right through. By the time police arrived at the scene, the suspect had fled without any stolen goods. The clumsy thief was probably just glad to get out of there with all of his limbs intact.

Inconspicuous clown pants

When 48-year-old Dennis Hawkins robbed a Pittsburg bank at gunpoint in July 2010, he chose quite the unique disguise. Hawkins tried to pass himself off as a woman by wearing a blond wig and fake breasts, despite having a noticeable brown goatee. He also executed the robbery in a pair of clown pants. So, after police released a description to the public, it didn’t take long for someone to spot that getup.

“He would get my nomination for dumbest criminal,” Swissvale Police Chief Greg Geppert told CBS affiliate KDKA. “I mean, with the wig on, you still have his black facial hair.”

Stick shift stalls carjacker

When 17-year-old Mganga Mganga attempted to steal a woman’s car in March 2014, his carjacking plan was completely stalled by his inability to work a stick shift. The armed teen approached Melissa Peters in an Omaha neighborhood around 7 a.m., as she was about to drive her 13-year-old son to school, and jumped into her white Dodge Caliber hatchback.

Eyewitnesses report that Mganga then spent nearly seven minutes in the car, switching on its windshield wipers and lights in a desperate attempt to work the manual transmission, before cutting his losses and fleeing on foot. When police arrived, they found the empty car sliding slowly onto a neighbor’s lawn.

Criminals slip up over free beer

In November 2011, after months of unsuccessfully trying to apprehend a number of elusive criminals, police in Derbyshire, England came up with a plan that some might call liquid gold. Authorities had notices sent out, informing the fugitives that they’d won a a crate of free beer. To collect on the prize, the criminals would have to contact a marketing company and arrange for a time and place to do the exchange. All of the calls were actually patched through to the police station instead.

In the end, 19 criminals called to claim their free beer and 19 were taken into custody. What a buzz kill.

Robber leaves call back number

In March 2008, 18-year-old Ruben Zarate attempted to rob a Chicago muffler shop. He entered Velasquez Mufflers For Less around 8 a.m., disguised in a mask and armed with a weapon. When he demanded money, however, one of the store’s mechanics told him that all the money was locked in a safe only the manager could open.

So, Zarate did what any hardened criminal would do. He left two phone numbers for them to call him back when the owner returned.

And they did call him back... when the police got there.

Deaf robber doesn't hear alarm

In August 1995, Klaus Schmidt burst into a Berlin bank with a pistol, screaming, “Hand over the money!” When a worker at the bank then asked if he wanted the money in a bag, Klaus exclaimed, “Damn right it’s a real gun!” Weird, right?

Klaus was deaf and he had just tipped off the bank staff as such. So, one of the tellers slyly set off a blaring alarm; and with the bank robber unable to hear it, police easily snuck up and apprehended him.

Bank robber calls ahead

In March 2010, 27-year-old Albert Bailey of Bridgeport, Connecticut and a 16-year-old accomplice attempted to streamline a bank robbery by calling ahead.

That’s right. This brilliant criminal placed a call to a branch of the People’s Bank in Fairfield, Connecticut, requesting that $100,000 in large bills be gathered in preparation for his arrival. Rather than doing that, the employee hung up and immediately called 911. Good thing the robber tipped him off.

Robbers hands over his gun

In October 2011, a man attempted to rob Halifax Bank in London, but foiled his own plan with a bit of a misfire. After demanding £700,000 in cash, the crook handed a male cashier what he thought was a bag for the money. Instead, he accidentally handed the bank employee his gun.

By the time, the nervous thief realized his mistake, the cashier had turned the gun around and pointed it at him. The thief ran from the bank, stole an employee’s bike and pedaled away in shame.

Man carjacks in jail parking lot

In March 2008, 23-year-old Frank Singleton had just been released from Palm Beach County Jail on a misdemeanor trespassing charge, when he decided to carjack a woman in the prison parking lot. As a result, he went from getting out of jail to being thrown back in for six years.

Door lock outwits burglar

When Darren Kimpton attempted to break into a house in Abington, England in February 2013, he failed not once, but twice.

Described by his counsel as a “clumsy” and “pathetic” heroin addict, Kimpton failed completely to break into his first target. He did, however, cut himself on the door lock, leaving a good amount of blood behind and making it all the more easy for police to trace the crime to him. While that is certainly an amateur move, Kimpton’s second break-in attempt of the night is what makes him one of the most bumbling burglars of all time.

Burglar breaks in on police

Having failed to break into the first house of his choosing, Darren Kimpton set his sights on another home in Abington. He approached the property, put his hand through an already broken glass window, and attempted to let himself in.

Unebeknownst to him, though, the house had already been burglarized that night and police were onsite interviewing the victim when Kimpton stumbled up. By the time he noticed the cops inside, it was too late to flee and he was easily apprehended.