Nina In New York: What I Did On My Kid's Spring Vacation

A lighthearted look at news, events, culture and everyday life in New York. The opinions expressed are solely those of the writer.
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By Nina Pajak

There comes a time in all parents' lives when they must pack a bag, take a deep breath, and depart with their child(ren) on some sort of amusement park vacation. This week was my time. Dun dun dunnnn.

A friend and I made plans many moons ago to bring our daughters to Great Wolf Lodge in western Massachusetts to celebrate their April birthdays. Big, three-year old girls deserve a big trip! And their moms deserve to . . . uh . . . run around after them on that trip. In a series of ankle-deep pools featuring sprinklers, water slides, and hundreds upon hundreds of OPK (Other People's Kids). Of course, there was non-aquatic stuff to do, too. Like "playing" games in the arcade, which for a toddler means slamming buttons without adding money and demanding the toys from the claw machines. Or meeting and instantly needing all the merchandise for proprietary characters who only exist within the Great Wolf Lodge world. Or waiting forty five minutes to eat microwave eggs in an inexplicably half-empty restaurant. Or lying in our beds while our children rest and quietly reflecting on life and parenthood and friendship while we listen to the dulcet tones of beeping and shrieking from another arcade��conveniently located directly outside our door. And finally, much quality time was spent engaging in the requisite negotiations surrounding everything from needing to get out of the pool at various times (such as when lips turn blue) to the appropriate hour to purchase and consume a lollipop (it isn't 9 AM) to whether I possess the means to purchase yet another ride on the world's smallest, slowest carousel (I do, but I still won't).

My initial feelings, and perhaps residual ones as well, were fairly negative. But after talking to some friends and thinking it over, I realized something: it's not them. It's me. This experience delivered precisely what I ought to have expected. It was a facility built for children, with only children in mind. Parents and guardians be damned. Want a lovely hotel room that isn't situated directly above an indoor carnival ride? Want a spa that doesn't necessarily cater to the "ice cream facial" set? Well, then you should have planned a different vacation. People who book a weekend at Great Wolf Lodge are there for one reason: to treat their offspring. The joy a parent may derive from such a trip lies solely in however much pleasure that person takes in seeing her kid have an amazing time. And for lots of folks, that's enough. It's more than enough! It's a treasure and a blessing and a special thing. Good for them. They've got some lucky kids. I really mean that. But I realized something else: that ain't me. Sucks for my kid.

Most of my waking time is spent caring for my child and conceiving and executing on ways to keep her happy, engaged, and meaningfully entertained. There are plenty of kinder, more selfless parents out there who willingly choose to spend their vacation time and funds on places such as the one I visited, but I just don't think I'm all that nice. Mama needs a break. Mama needs decent shower products in the bathrooms. Mama needs a hot meal that can be procured in fewer than 90 minutes. Mama just needs. I can't apologize for that. I am, however, sorry for just now repeatedly referring to myself in the third person as "Mama." Seriously, ew. I'm so sorry.

I'm certain there are many more kid-centric vacations ahead of me, and it'll be a long time before I get my first pick of destinations. But there must be a compromise to be found somewhere in those plans. Anywhere. Attention must be paid, even if it's only in the form of a breakfast buffet that features real eggs that came from a real chicken.

Until then, we'll keep up our wolf howls and worship at the altar of Violet the Wolf, whose acquaintance I'll admit I'm not entirely sorry I've made.

Nina Pajak is a writer living with her husband, daughter and dog in Queens. Connect with Nina on Twitter!