Navigating tough family conversations about the Israel-Hamas war

NEW YORK -- The Israel/Hamas War has been waging for well over two months now. It's prompted many challenging conversations within families. 

Leo and Ethan Grossman, who are both Jewish, say their extended family is "not on the same page." 

"A lot of us are in a movement, on all parts of this conflict, to change the world's mind. I think that there is disconnect and disagreement, and the goal is to convince somehow, or show a truth that someone believes in. And convincing family is seemingly the closest-- they're the closest to you. So by perhaps engaging them or changing them somehow, you are then doing the most you could to change the greater world, right?" Leo Grossman said.

"I don't think much can be done with conversations over the Internet and over written text in this way," Ethan Grossman said. 

Emma Dulski, originally from California, found a home in New York for herself and her activism. She is also struggling with a disconnect within her family.

"My grandma sent me a rhetoric guide from [the Jewish Community Relations Council]. I was like, 'I actually disagree with everything that is said in here, but I would love to have a conversation about it.' And she was like, 'Yeah, I would love the opportunity to learn from you.' And we had a call, and it was actually so sweet and really nice to hear what she was thinking and her perspective. Especially because the person that I'm most confused about is my mom," Dulski said. "At this point, I think she knows - since we have differing views - she just won't bring it up because she doesn't want to get into it."

Despite the challenges, each person we spoke with genuinely believed open and honest conversations between family members could fix the rift they are experiencing. They all had different ways they planned to go about those conversations,  and different expectations of what they would mean.  

Jeff Cahn, the executive director of Romemu, a Jewish house of worship on the Upper West Side, said he has not spoken with his niece since October 7th.  

"I will do everything in my power to shut down my niece's -- the organizations she participates in. I will do everything I can to do that. And I will give her a huge hug and a kiss," Cahn said.

The Grossman brothers had a very different approach to holiday time with their family.

"Logistically and pragmatically, we're not breaking bread with these people. They're kind of all scattered around the country. I would love to do something like that. I inherently believe that food can be the conduit to solving a lot of our problems, and I think that's where a lot of our most important conversations are over food, especially in the Jewish community," Ethan Grossman said. "So I do think if we want to solve any of these disagreements within our family, it's going to come from some sort of in-person conversation."