Jared Max: Deflate-Gate And 'The Weight' — A Song For The Patriots' Scandal
By Jared Max
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Inspired by the latest alleged shenanigans of the New England Patriots, I got artsy and satirized one of our great American classic rock songs, "The Weight" -- written in 1968 by Robbie Robertson of The Band. The song has been used in various films including "The Big Chill." But it has never been a backdrop for a football story. Until now.
Sing along, my friends.
"DEFLATE"
They pulled into Foxboro
They were feelin' not half that bad
Underdogs of 6 and more
'Gainst a team Luck'd never had
The Super Bowl was in sight
Colts thought they could bring their fans
Who found out, thanks to Bill?
They never had a chance
Stick the pin in, ball boy
Stinkin' pin is free
It comes with that football
And (And, And ...)
It's used to help ... (used to help) Deflatriots cheat?
He picked up the bag
And went lookin' for a place to hide
Like someone peein' in the ocean
With blank stare and smile
He said, "Oh, darn it --
Where is that rubber hole?
Can I make this ball
Easier for Tom to throw?"
Stick the pin in, ball boy
Stinkin' pin is free
It comes with that football
And (And, And ...)
It's used to help ... (used to help) Deflatriots cheat?
Go down history
Ain't far and you can see
Three Super Bowl wins, then came Pats' Judgment Day
I remember Spygate
Like it was just yesterday
Then, for a year the paper
Asterisked the team a cheat
Stick the pin in, ball boy
Stinkin' pin is free
It comes with that football
And (And, And ...)
It's used to help ... (used to help) Deflatriots cheat?
Crazy jester that he is
Or a genius, so they say
Ineligible receiver
He'll do it any way
He's been fined,
Lost a draft pick
It's looked bad for Belichick
But, seems that every year
The hoodied villain has new tricks
Stick the pin in, ball boy
Stinkin' pin is free
It comes with that football
And (And, And ...)
It's used to help ... (used to help) Deflatriots cheat?
Catch a cannonball, or this ball that's two pounds light
Ongoing plight for Roger --
All started with Ray Rice
Several more concussions,
Adrian Peterson's fight
And, now this fitting end to a year more wrong than right
Stick the pin in, ball boy
Stinkin' pin is free
It's like steroids and pine tar
Seems many think that they need to cheat
