The Way He Wore His Hat

Frank Sinatra didn't die without leaving us all some advice about women, music, colors, and sorrow. And not all of it is contained in his songs.

As Sinatra himself might have said, there is a "mahvelous" book titled "The Way You Wear Your Hat: Frank Sinatra and the Lost Art of Livin'" - a Bible for those who want to be like Frank, and an entertaining read for those who would rather do it their way.

"I celebrate the way he did things, which was with this confidence and swagger," author Bill Zehme said in an interview with Correspondent Rick Jackson of CBS' Up To The Minute on Sinatra's 82nd birthday, Dec. 12, 1997.

Sinatra himself had told people as he got older that he wanted to share some of the things he had learned about life before he passed on - and Zehme picked up on that.

"They say God is in the details," said the author, "and I had gone to Frank Sinatra four years ago with the idea that he had this wisdom to share."

The result was an article for Esquire magazine, and from there grew the book. Zehme said his intention was to "debrief the Chairman of the Board - how to seduce a woman, how to drink properly, how to hang out with guys."

And when guys are hanging out at the bar late at night, talking about women and work and life in general, there is nothing like that particular voice.

"Suddenly, the jukebox is playing Sinatra, and here is a voice that essays the greatest confidence of anyone who ever strode the planet," Zehme explained. "Here's a guy who never second guessed anything. Guys wonder: 'What would Frank do if he was in my shoes?' So I thought, 'Why don't I ask him? What would you do?'"

One thing Sinatra didn't do was to listen to his own records. Zehme said he preferred Nat King Cole or Luciano Pavarotti.

Asked whether the mob made Frank, or whether Frank made the mob, the author simply says, "He worked for those guys. Those guys owned all the joints [in Las Vegas and nightclubs across the country.] Vegas was born of the mob."

"But," he added, "they needed him more than he needed them, in the end."

And, also in the end, Sinatra had lost his dearest friends, including Rat Packers Dean Martin and Sammy Davis Jr., and bodyguard-buddy Jilly Rizzo.

"I think it hurts him," Zehme said in 1997. "I think he's lonesome."

But as Sinatra gave his final performances on the concert stage, before he retired completely, Zehme thinks he did start to understand what he meant to his fans. "He was so moved by the audiences toward the end ... to the point where he would tear up. It started really occurring to him that he was beloved."

And part of that was because of the way he wore his hat.

"He stood for what he believed in, and he said whatever he wanted to say," said Zehme. "Today, celebrities have teams and phalanxes of publicists and counsels, and they basically decide what a celebrity is allowed to say or think. Sinatra told you exactly what he felt."

Here are Sinatra samples from "The Way You Wear Your Hat: Frank Sinatra and the Lost Art of Livin'":

• What's the most important thing a father can tell his children?
  "Be true to yourself, and stay away from the dark thoughts."
• How do you know when a hat looks right on you?
  "When no one laughs."
• What is a good hell-raising toast?
  "Here's to the confusion of our enemies!"
• What is the most offensive thing that can happen to a martini?
  "Warm vodka. There's nothing worse."
  (Sinatra also disliked the smell of roasting lamb.)
• How do you know when you've found a friend for life?
  "You bypass the acquaintanceship stage immediately. Either your currents are different and the chemistry isn't there or else you're hooked and you're a friend immediately - and, in most cases, permanently."
• What is the most important thing to look for in a woman?
  "A sense of humor. When looking for a woman, it always helps to find a woman who is also looking. Make her feel appreciated, make her feel beautiful."
• What do you do when a woman cries?
  "I usually cry with her."
• What should a man never do in the presence of a woman?
  "Yawn."

• Shirt cuffs should extend half an inch from the jacket sleeve.
• Trousers should break just above the shoe.
• Try not to sit down because it wrinkles the pants.
• If you have to sit, don't cross your legs.
• Pocket handkerchiefs are optional. (Sinatra usually wore an orange one because orange was his favorite color.)
• Shine your shoes ("Mary Janes," he called them) on the underside of a couch cushion.