Parent-Teacher Conference Time

Parent-teacher conferences can be a stressful experience for all of the parties involved. So The Saturday Early Show asked clinical psychologist Robin Goodman to share some tips on how to make those meetings go smoothly.

After all, the goal is that both you and your child's teacher get the most out of your time together.

Before The Conference

• Get ready. Write down specific questions. Know your child's strengths and weaknesses and preferences.
  
• Consider home issues. Decide whether you'll discuss any personal issues with the teacher and, if so, how you will do it.
  
• Leave your baggage in the parking lot. Past history can get in the way – a parent can have residual fear of authority or perhaps harbor fond or not so fond memories of school. Things that might get in the way include things like the kind of student the parent was and if the parent was disciplined at school.
  
• Involve everyone. If only one parent is coming, or the parents are divorced, check in with each other ahead of time or arrange it so both can come.

• Play well with others. Practice what you preach about getting along and making friends with the teacher.
  
• Have the right attitude. Respect each other. Go in thinking you're a team rather than enemies. Parents and teachers need to be sensitive to the challenges of each other's jobs. Both are juggling lots of other responsibilities and demands and both want the best for the student. The teacher is not the parent's staff; it's not about who has more power or authority. Put yourself in their shoes.
  
• Set the tone from beginning. Say something positive about child or teacher or school.
  
• Avoid certain pitfalls. Don't be a know-it-all, be test obsessed or competitive with the teacher, or a pest. And don't blame or bad-mouth teacher.
  
• Listen and Learn. Conferences are about needing to find out what they (parents and teachers) each don't know,
  
• Understand each other's roles. Remember you each only have part of the puzzle. Parents are the expert on the child at home, teachers are the expert on the child at school. The parent has experience with one or a few and sees the child as unique. A teacher is an objective professional with a wealth of experience about what's typical and how to solve problems. Teachers have seen hundreds or thousands of children and they know the range of behaviors and ability.
  
• The child is in a different setting, so the teacher sees and knows different things, like how the child follows rules, how the child responds in a group and handles pressure and deadlines, as well as how the child deals with peers, participates, takes initiative, manages time and leads or follows.
  
• Find out about the total child. Check on both academics and social issues ask how the child is in class and on the play ground or in special subject areas (e.g. music, art)
  
• Take notes, or tape record so you can remember what was said. This is especially good if only one parent attends.
  
• Ask about expectations. Find out what's typical for your child's age. Get to know the standards and goals for the year, what skills and tests are expected and required during the year, any big projects coming up. Parents and teachers should have realistic expectations (e.g. 30 min of free reading a day or does it have to be a certain type of book). Be consistent with standards.
  
• Collaborate: Be on the same side and solve problems. You should be teammates, not enemies. Work together.
  
• Brainstorm: Suggest things that work and accept suggestions. Discuss what works for you and find out what works for the teacher. Use the teacher as a resource. For example, you can ask a question like: "Matt is having a hard time with science. What do you suggest?" If you have a suggestion, share it: "Jenna is shy so it helps if she doesn't have to go first for things."
  
• Develop a plan and know how to follow up. Find out the preferred method for communication and contact.

• It's not over when it's over.
  
• Give the student feedback. They're nervous, curious and proud. Your child wonders: "Did you see my stuff?" and "What did the teacher say about me?"
  
• Create a follow-up plan. Try some things and see if they work.
  
• Remember: Not all teachers are grade A. Children can learn from all types of teacher relationships and styles. If there are big problems, get help (a learning specialist or tutor, or talk to the principal). Just because children don't like teachers doesn't mean they are not learning.