Obsessive Love Ruins A Marriage

Jeffrey and Jennifer are so dysfunctional that even Dr. Phil McGraw is stumped as to how he can help them.

Jeffrey is obsessed with Jennifer, his wife. He can't bear to be apart from her and has sabotaged her so he could have her to himself. He desperately keeps track of her every move, every phone call, every e-mail.

Even after he went for psychological treatment, "Jeffrey is still having trouble not knowing what I'm doing and it's freaking him out," Jennifer explained to McGraw during a segment for his syndicated show. "He's checked my e-mail. He's been checking the messages on the phone to see who called. That right there showed me he wasn't giving it his best effort. I am definitely going through with a separation and divorce. He's really irrational. I don't want to have to have him arrested, but if I have to, I will."

How extreme was Jeffrey's behavior? "This is a guy that had a GPS (tracking system) in her car," explained McGraw. "He's bugged her house with cameras that she didn't know about. He would wait until she went to bed, turn the thermostat up to 95 so she'd kick the covers off and he could take pictures of her body. Following her everywhere. Locking her in the basement. Completely out of control. This isn't love. It's dominance."

In two segments for his show (airing today and tomorrow), McGraw caught up with the estranged couple. He confronted Jeffrey about his behavior: "Since you've been in the program, you've called her until 3:00 in the morning. You've called her a liar and a cheat. You called her mother and said your daughter is a ----, you've called her numerous times. As a result, I'm wondering if she feels like you really are trying to let go and respect her
as a human being."

Replied Jeffrey, "I'm not perfect."

The obsessive lover first came to McGraw's attention when he made contact with McGraw's show. Jennifer "was at the point where she said, 'That's it, I'm done.' So he writes me and says, 'Help me with my wife,' so she says, 'Well, that's a pretty bold move for him to write Dr. Phil and be willing to go on there and answer hard questions.' But he got here and found out, you know, 'I cannot control this guy, can't manipulate him.'"

Control and manipulation are Jeffrey's favorite tools for ruling Jennifer's life.

"The number one key to control and abuse is isolation," McGraw explained to The Early Show co-anchor Hannah Storm. "If you're getting cut off from all the resources in your life. If they cut you off from church, friends, mom. This guy was manipulating her by getting her fired. He wanted her at home, not at work, 'flirting.' So he would set her alarm for different times so she would wake up and be late for work and get fired. He would even sabotage the car."

Jeffrey was "financially isolating her, emotionally, socially isolating her."

If this behavior is at all familiar, McGraw feels it's important to consider breaking away. "If somebody is cutting you off from all your opportunities for support and rationality and dominating what you do, you may be in an abusive situation and you need to reach out for help in some way," he advised.

For more about the extreme relationship between Jeffrey and Jennifer, go to the Dr. Phil website, www.drphil.com, and look for the heading "Obsessive Love."