Making Up Need Not Be Hard To Do

Even a happy marriage isn't happy every single moment.

Personalities can clash in any relationship, and when people fight, it can be tough to get over.

Kate White, editor in chief of Cosmopolitan magazine, offered advice for anyone who needs to make up, on The Early Show Wednesday.

The first thing White stresses is that fighting is a natural part of any relationship.

"What couples need to understand is that fighting is normal," she says. "It's healthy to fight. If you're not fighting, you're not clearing the air of little things that build up. You can't look at fighting as a bad thing, even though you feel like heck afterwards."

She adds, "It's interesting that, after a fight, women are more likely to want to reconnect. They have a hormonal component to their makeup that makes them more likely to want that connection."

That said, how can couples minimize the damage and move on?

Sometimes, White observes, it's hard to go "back to normal" after a big fight.

So, she shared five tips to help restore normalcy:

Zip Your Lips

"Females want to talk it out," White says. "The fight might have run out of steam, like a hurricane that has run out, and the relationship might be in an awkward, sulky phase, but the woman's tendency is to try to smooth it over verbally. It's not a bad idea to agree that you've expended as much energy as you need to. Agree that you don't need to go back there again. Just take a walk or go to a movie. Do something that takes the attention away from the fight.

"As you get further away from the fight and start to talk naturally again, it's OK to acknowledge it by saying, 'I'm sorry we had a fight.' You need to do that without blaming anyone. If there are issues you didn't address in the fight, you can bring them up a few days later and ask to have a discussion about those points."

Own Your Piece of It

This point is to be used if you are to blame for the disagreement. "Don't do this if it's just to make things better," White advises. "Don't admit to fault if you're not to blame. But if you have spent money earmarked for something else or broken a confidence or given him a real reason to be annoyed and upset with you, you do need to accept the blame. Sometimes you can give him a little treat or a gift; leave it on his side of the bed. He knows it's about you saying you're sorry."

Try a Little Touching

"This isn't make-up sex," White points out. "Make-up sex tends to be intense and can be a little aggressive. This is a little handholding while you're watching television. It's closeness. Once the intensity of the argument passes, you can get more intimate."

Do Your Own Thing

"This point is really important," White says. "You need to disengage. Disconnect for a bit. It's the healthy thing to do. It allows you time to review what happened and recognize any fault of yours in the matter. Go to the gym. Or meet a friend. It's not done in anger. It's not a punishment. Don't slam the door on your way out. Maybe even text message him while you're out. Being on your own clears your head and helps put everything into perspective.

"If, while you're reviewing the situation, you find there is a serious problem, you can think about what steps you can take to assess the problem and correct it. This is especially important if you're a couple and you're in it for the long haul.

"One of the things you can do while you're apart is think of three things you like about him. It enhances the relationship later."

Focus on the Future

White says: "A drag-out fight can scare you. If you're not married, you already feel vulnerable. If you are married, a serious fight can rock you to the foundation of the relationship. This is a good time to focus on the future."