Juggling Your Kids' Activities
If your family is caught in the big "activities crunch," there's a new book that might offer some valuable advice. Author Stacy DeBroff visited The Early Show Monday to talk about "Sign Me Up: The Parents' Complete Guide To Sports, Activities, Music Lessons, Dance Classes, and Other Extracurriculars."
In researching "Sign Me Up", DeBroff interviewed more than 500 parents, coaches and instructors to provide specific advice about issues from over-scheduling to quitting, and advice on how to preserve family time in the midst of the activity craze.
"Sign Me Up" also defines activities from badminton to ballet and then discusses each activity's advantages and disadvantages, addresses safety and cost concerns, plus gives insights to help parents choose better.
As DeBroff says, "We live in an excessively competitive society, in which there's no rung on the achievement ladder high enough. As parents, most of us feel a constant pressure to compete in our careers, and this pressure has infused our children's days to become a normal way of life for them."
She suggests that parents think of the ages of 4 to 10 as a time to explore a variety of activities. Don't expect young children to specialize right away. This is the time to see how they handle certain sports. She advises parents to take time to match the child's temperament and physique to the appropriate sport.
Warning signs that your child may be experiencing burnout:
- Dread
- Behavioral changes
- Misses unstructured time
Many parents feel caught between when it's OK to say "I quit" and when they should encourage their child to see something through. You don't want your child to be a habitual quitter, but you want him to be happy.
However, it's important to stress the time and financial commitments the entire family is making when a child enrolls in an activity. Also, you have to stress sticking it out so that they don't quit for the wrong reasons. Children have to learn how to handle the normal feelings associated with being a beginner, like feeling insecure and uncomfortable.
Also, if a child says he wants to quit, a parent has an obligation to get to the heart of the matter. Was there a bad incident with another kid on the team? Is it the coach? DeBroff suggests that parents talk to the coach or the teacher before making a decision to quit.
But what happens when parents feel quitting certain activities is not an option? For example, swimming or playing an instrument are the most common activities upon which parents insist. In these cases, DeBroff says it's important for parents to balance their priorities with how miserable their child is. You may want to allow them to take a break - and consider if that mandatory activity is age appropriate. DeBroff warns parents to prepare themselves for the consequences. In the end, the child may be grateful that you pushed him, or he may resent you.
Lastly, it's important to separate your own ego from your child's life. If your child, the football star, is really interested in art and not football, consider why you are pushing your child. Is it the parent's goal to have a football star in the family? Or does the parent really like the activity because all their friends are football parents or fans? Let the child enjoy the activity he prefers.
When considering athletic activities, DeBroff suggests parents consider the following topics:
Kids, by their temperament, tend to gravitate to a sport that either emphasizes the team or an individual. Some kids don't like all the attention on them, while others like to be the star, in which one-on-one competition is stressed.
Kids often have extremely strong feelings about how their performance is judged. Some want certainty. They want to know what their time was, how many goals they scored, how fast they were. These types of children may resent being subjectively judged. For example: figure skating, and gymnastics are sports that may depend on the whims of who is judging.
Recreational teams focus on fun, while elite teams might mean tryouts, travel, lots of practices and games against other towns or regions. Decide with your child how competitive he wants to be.
You have to insist on some athletic activity year-round. Consider introducing the child that hates sports to lifetime activities, such as cycling, rollerblading, and hiking, which encourage fitness but not on a competitive level.
There are so many sports that accommodate different kids that children with disabilities should not automatically be excluded from activities. DeBroff suggests discussing with a program's teachers and coaches whether there's a good match. Ask how much of an issue your child's special needs will be, both in terms of your child feeling frustrated or disrupting the program or class.
DeBroff points out that many sports have modified forms and adaptations, along with special leagues. In chapter 10 of "Sign Me Up," the author offers resources for parents with special needs children.
For more on author Stacy DeBroff or her books, go to www.momcentral.com.