Jim Gaffigan on his in-laws
I'd like to talk to you about my family. No, not that family. That family, my wife's family … which is also my family. After 16 years, it's still a little confusing to me.
I'm kidding. I love my wife's family. Did that sound believable? Of course, I do love my wife's family. They are my in-laws. That's a strange term: in-law.
"Are you related?"
"Uh, legally…In a court of law."
It's like the opposite of being in love: "We're in law. We law each other. Very much"
In-laws are like family you are assigned.
"You want to spend your life with that person? You gotta take those 10 people."
"All of them?!"
Truth be told, my only issue with my in-laws is, there's too many of them.
My wife is one of nine children. That's right, nine! Every holiday all nine of the siblings and their individual families all get together and spend every moment together.
Over Christmas I went to a movie with 30 people. I didn't even know that was legal! We were walking around, people thought we were from a church. To put it in perspective, Jesus only walked around with 12!
I learned very quickly I don't want to do anything with 30 people. If I was on the Titanic and the last rescue boat was filled with 30 people, I'd be like, "Ah, you guys go ahead. I don't want to be there when you try and decide where to eat lunch."
Often, it's more than 30 people, 'cause sometimes those 30 people will invite other people. So, I'll have conversations and people will be like:
"I'm your wife's uncle's best friend"
"Oh, there's a term for that: Stranger! You are a total stranger. Why am I buying you lunch?"
I do love my wife's parents. Their names are Louise and Dominic. So, I call them Louise and Dom. My wife's siblings have also gotten married. And some of their spouses call Louise and Dom "Mom and Dad," 'cause they're weirdoes.
I understand sometimes when you marry into a family you become so close to the parents that you want to call them Mom and Dad. But don't. It's weird! And confusing for the rest of us.
"Wait, that's his mom? He married his sister? What state is he from?"
Anyway, enjoy your family. I mean, families.
For more info:
- jimgaffigan.com
- Follow @JimGaffigan on Twitter
- Jim Gaffigan's special, "Quality Time," is available on Amazon Prime
Story produced by Charis Satchell.
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- Jeannie's story: Jim Gaffigan on his wife's brain tumor
- On parents going back to school
- A craft beer even Jim Gaffigan would like
- Decaf coffee is un-American
- Cheeseburgers are in "grave danger
- On retiring from being a dad
- Jim Gaffigan on that unavoidable certainty of life: Traffic
- Confessions of a news junkie
- On what to do about America's overweight statistics
- On losing his appendix
- On the need for a good nap
- On that topic Jim Gaffigan can't talk about
