Irish Wit And Witticism

Irish pundits have known how to turn a phrase. Here is some of their wisdom to remember this St. Patrick's Day:

What's good for the goose is good for the gander.

The older the fiddle the sweeter the tune.

It's no use boiling your cabbage twice.

There's no need to fear the wind if your haystacks are tied down.

Do not mistake a goat's beard for a fine stallion's tail.

Drink is the curse of the land.
It makes you fight with your neighbor.
It makes you shoot at your landlord.
And it makes you miss him.

If you lie down with dogs, you'll rise with fleas.

A wild goose never reared a tame gosling.

There never was an old slipper but there was an old stocking to match it.

Firelight will not let you read fine stories, but it's warm, and you won't see the dust on the floor.

As the old cock crows, the young cock learns.

Humor to a man is like a feather pillow. It is filled with what is easy to get but gives great comfort.

Many an Irish property was increased by the lace of a daughter's petticoat.

The best way to keep loyalty in a man's heart is to keep money in his purse.

A narrow neck keeps the bottle from being emptied in one swig.

A trout in the pot is better than a salmon in the sea.

If the knitter is weary, the baby will have no new bonnet.

It's for her own good that the cat purrs.

Even a tin knocker will shine on a dirty door.

An old broom knows the dirty corners best.

One beetle recognizes another.

To the raven her own cluck is white.

When the sky falls we'll all catch larks.

Any man can lose his hat in a fairy-wind.

If you have one pair of good soles, it's better than two pairs of good uppers.

It's no use carrying an umbrella if your shoes are leaking.

It's difficult to choose between two blind goats.

A silent mouth is sweet to hear.

It's as hard to see a woman crying as it is to see a barefooted duck.

He'd offer you an egg if you promised not to break the shell.

It's a bad hen that won't scratch herself.

Show the fatted calf but not the thing that fattened him.

Men are like bagpipes: no sound comes from them till they're full.

You must crack the nuts before you can eat the kernel.

Every patient is a doctor after his cure.

Neither give cherries to pigs nor advice to a fool.

Soft words butter no parsnips but they won't harden the heart of the cabbage either.

You'll never plough a field by turning it over in your mind.

The old pipe gives the sweetest smoke.

Marriages are all happy; it's having breakfast together that causes all the trouble.

A scholars ink lasts longer than a martyr's blood.

Take gifts with a sigh; most men give to be paid.

A turkey never voted for an early Christmas.

The Irish forgive their great men when they are safely buried.

The longest road out is the shortest road home.