Insane Hours? How to Ask for a Schedule Change

Dear Stanley,
I started a writing job at a recently launched news website about 3 months ago. I work with a decent group of people, my job is interesting but not too difficult, and the pay is above standard. I should be singing, right? There's just one problem: the hours. I START my day at 5 a.m., which means my alarm clock is usually ringing by a quarter after 3. The good part is that I'm usually done by 1 p.m. and have the whole afternoon ahead of me. Which would be nice if most of those afternoons weren't spent snoring and drooling on my pillow. I am constantly fatigued and not eating well. I feel like I'm out of phase with the rest of the world, like I've had jet lag since mid-January. People have been putting up with this kind of shift work for years, and with the economy the way it is, I'm happy to have a job at all. Should I just suck it up and resign myself to a few more years of zombie life, or am I justified in my self-indulgent whining?
Bob Zombie

Dear Bob,

Both, really. You are certainly justified in your self-indulgent whining. I couldn't work those hours. At the same time, you will probably have to suck it up for a while. But a few more years? I don't think so. This is sort of like getting a promotion or a raise. The same operational principles apply.

First, you have to let your supervisors know that you're not a crazy person and that you really don't like these hours. They won't be surprised. Nobody wants to work your hours except maybe hosts of morning television shows, and I'm guessing they make a lot more money than you do. By "letting them know" I'm not talking about threats or the muttering of vague imprecations. I'm talking about a straight-up, no-BS chat with whoever you report to. "Just an FYI, Mort," you might say. "I'm certainly happy here, and love the work and all that good stuff. But I do want you to know that if a day shift with more human hours comes along, I'd like to be considered for it." That's all.

After a while, do it again.

And then again, after another few months.

If a year goes by and you're still in zombieland? Start looking for a new gig. You're no longer the new guy who has to work the worst hours. You're a schmuck willing to be exploited so others don't have to suffer. There's a difference.

In the meantime, there are ways to deal with the disruption to your circadean rhythms. Here are a few tips:

1. Don't get up at 3:15 to be at the office at 5. Get up later, unless you live so far away that it takes you an hour to get to work. If that's the case, move. Or pick a way you can get to work while you snooze, like a train.
2. At the end of your business day -- 1 p.m. -- have a little bite to eat and then go home, take a shower, and allow yourself a 20 minute nap. No more. You'll be a little screwed up for a while, but the fact is, a 20-minute nap is all a healthy person needs to keep going for the rest of the day.
3. After your nap, get up and go outside. Do some things that are good for yourself. Run in the park or, if you live in the Bay Area, throw a Frisbee to a dog.
4. Eat dinner at a reasonable hour, but by no means before 6 p.m. Go to bed at the same hour every night. Me, I would say 10 p.m. Do not drink too heavily, or you'll wake up in the middle of the night still drunk and have to go to work. That's a real bummer.
5. Do everything you possibly can to see friends, hang with people. Don't allow your screwy hours to cut you off from the rest of the human race.

Frank got straight A's that year. He also went completely insane. Nobody ever saw him. We missed him. But he was on the Frank Harrison Sleep Plan. He dropped it the next year. His grades were a little bit worse, but at least he was back on the planet.

In the end, it's all about living your life. Work is a part of life. When it becomes all of it, or destroys the rest of your existence, something's gotta give, eventually.