In A Rut? Love Smart Says Dr. Phil

Finding the perfect relationship is no easy task, but maintaining it can be even harder.

Dr. Phil McGraw provides tips on how to keep your relationship out of a rut in his new book "Love Smart: Find The One You Want — Fix The One You Got."

Dr. Phil and Robin, his wife of nearly 30 years, sat down with The Early Show co-anchor Rene Syler and offered advice on rekindling the romance in your relationship.

In his book, Dr. Phil says falling in love is different from being in love.

"Well, actually, it's different in terms of your experience. But it's also different biochemically," he said. "There is actually some research that shows that there are different experiences internally. When you're falling in love, it's exciting, it's exhilarating. Everything is great. Then when you are just being in love, it's not worse, it's just different. Instead of being exciting and exhilarating all the time, it's comfortable, it's predictable, it's secure."

Dr. Phil says this isn't worse, it's just different.

"I remember in the beginning of my relationship with my husband," Syler said, "that's what I longed for — that sort of stability and the comfort. He feels like an old shoe."

Dr. Phil says you want to have both.

"When you're falling in love, you stay up all night and talk; it's like you can read each other's mind," he said. "You say, 'Oh, she knows me so well, she can complete my sentences.' Three years later, it's 'Quit interrupting me!' It's a completely different thing. But you do want that comfort and that stability. I married way over my head."

Why does Robin think couples lose their way?

"You know, I think they quit focusing on what's important," she said. "I think the relationship, the marriage, is very important. And I think it's something that you do have to focus on almost every day."

Dr. Phil agrees.

"I talk about in 'Love Smart,' that if you ever stop dating inside your relationship, the sizzle is going to go," he said. "If all you ever deal with in a relationship are problems, you're going to have a problem relationship. You've got to remember it's based on friendship. There is fun, excitement. You get to do things that friends do together. You laugh, you talk, you go places, you share, and you do things.

"For the first time in 26 years now, we're empty nesters. We're not day-to-day parents. I'm so glad that we didn't stop our relationship 26 years ago and start being moms and dads and forget about Phil and Robin. We never did that."

Syler asked the long-married couple to give their take on a few myths about happy couples.

Myth 1: Couples can see things through each other's eyes.

Dr. Phil says that is "absolutely not true."

"Absolutely, no way," Robin agreed.

"We have such different points of view, it is absolutely unbelievable," he said. "No. You don't see things through each other's eyes. You want a different perspective. That's a complementary thing."

Myth 2: Happy couples always have romance.

"No, not true. Not true," said Robin. "But I guess it's how you define romance, because just the fact that he is so consistently pleasant and focused on our relationship and always wanting to make me happy, I think is very romantic. But, no, he doesn't come home with candy and roses and he has never sat at the side of the tub and read poetry to me. I read that one time in a tabloid."

Myth 3: Happy couples need to have common interests.

"You don't need to force that," said Dr. Phil. "I talk about in 'Love Smart,' if you're going to love smart, you are going to be who you are. That doesn't mean that you're going to be interested in everything your partner is interested in. We have so many things that we do separately, differently, apart, that I just have no interest in some of the things that she does. She has less than zero interest in some of the things that I do. But, do we have common interests? Well, yeah.

"We live together, eat together, sleep together, travel together and raise kids together. Those are pretty common interests. I don't think I've got to go to ceramics class or something. Come on, if she has interests that are hers, that's great. Support those, but you don't have to force yourself to be in them."

Myth 4: Happy couples don't fight.

"We never really fight," said Robin. "We never raise our voice, really, and have a scream fest or anything like that. But we disagree on a lot of things, yes. We have to have long discussions sometimes about a lot of things."

Just because you don't see eye to eye on something does not make it a deal breaker.

"In fact, when you have arguments — we don't argue. There is nothing wrong with it if you do, as long as you follow certain rules," said Dr. Phil. "You don't get — certainly you never get physical, you don't do name calling. Getting it off your chest can be a good thing. Then there is always makeup sex. And that's really good. Makeup sex is great."