"Grey's" Star GLAAD To Chat

Embattled "Grey's Anatomy" star Isaiah Washington met with the leaders of the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network and GLAAD this week to discuss the negative impact of name-calling.

The meeting was set up to help quell the storm caused when he used a slur against gay co-star T.R. Knight. Mike Wuebben imagines the conversation may have gone something like this:

I want to start by saying I'm very sorry for using that hateful word about T.R. I was out of line and I apologize. I want to reach out to the gay community to show you I'm human, I make mistakes. I'm just like you, except that I like to have sex with women. A lot. I'm totally straight. Hopefully that will help avoid any awkward moments during the meet-and-greet afterward.

Just being here is a big step for me. I used to think whenever I was around a bunch of gay guys, they just wanted to get me drunk and gang rape me. I now know I've angered your community so much that even if you wanted to take advantage of me you wouldn't on principle alone.

I want to make it clear that I've never had an issue with lesbians. Some of my best friends have friends who are lesbians. And I'm sure if any of you lesbians talk to me you'll find we have a lot in common. I love sleeveless flannel shirts, the Indigo Girls, steel-toed boots, bowling. I like to keep my hair short, I work on my pecs to keep from developing man-breasts. And if I didn't mention it before I love having sex with women.

I'm sure I have a lot in common with some of the guys here, too. Just because I don't like to watch Richard Chamberlain movies or listen to opera in a dress doesn't mean we can't find stuff to talk about, just as long as I don't have to hear the details of what you and your boyfriend did last night. Whatever you do in your own home is your business — sex swings, multiple partners, phallic-shaped fruits and vegetables — but keep it to yourself.

Also, two guys kissing really grosses me out so if you could please refrain until I leave the area I would appreciate it.

As for my relationship with T.R. Knight, we've come to terms. I'm not saying I won't get angry, but he needn't worry about me using gay slurs on the set. I've promised to keep my insults bigotry-free — like "maggot" or "sock chucker" or "putt birate."

I hope this answers some of the questions you have about me — like am I actually a closest homosexual myself. To clarify, the answer is no. I've learned a lot from this experience and I hope that you all feel you know me a little better, even if you have no chance of "knowing" me in the biblical way.

If you have any other questions, I'll take them now, as long as they're about my character on "Grey's Anatomy" and not about my personal life. I'll also be signing autographs in the lobby. Please provide your own paper. I will not be signing body parts.

If you really want to talk, send Mike an e-mail. If it's urgent, buy an industrial-size spotlight with a W stencil and shine it into the night sky. Mike looks up regularly to check his messages.