Extended transcript: Interview with Dwight Gooden

(CBS News) For New York Mets fans, the World Series-winning team of 1986 represented an unforgettable combination of bravado, vigor and scintillating firepower, perhaps no more invigorating than in the exploits of the young Dwight "Doc" Gooden. The National League's Rookie of the Year in 1984 and the Cy Young Award-winner the following year, Gooden possessed a fastball and a deadly curve that tended to produce strikeouts (earning him the nickname "Doctor K"), and helped lead the Mets to one of their best years ever. He was a star attraction for 10 complete seasons before transitioning to Yankee pinstripes.

But winning a World Series did not inoculate Gooden from the pressures and dangers brought by his addiction to cocaine, even as his teammates were being feted by a ticker tape parade on Broadway.

In this web-exclusive extended transcript of his interview with CBS News correspondent Michelle Miller, Gooden talks about the origin of his nickname; the influence of his father on his sports career; the escape he sought in drugs even as he reached the pinnacle of success; and his long struggle to sobriety, which began with the admission that he is an addict.

• Dwight Gooden comes clean
• Book excerpt: "Doc: A Memoir"
• Watch: Web extra video - Dwight Gooden on George Steinbrenner
• Watch: Web extra video - Dwight Gooden's difficult decision
• Watch: Web extra video - Dwight Gooden on how he became "Doc"

Dwight Gooden: My dad had a friend that was a doctor, a real M.D. And for whatever reason, he'll come to my Little League games, high school games, and have a couple drinks. And any time I got two strikes on a batter, he would say, 'Come on, Doc, operate on it, Doc. Come on, Doc, you have another patient, Doc.' And then my teammates started calling me Doc. In high school, it became Doc. And then when they would write stories in the local paper, they'll put "Doc," because the guy was at every game sayin' the same thing.

Michelle Miller: He must have liked Little League baseball.

Gooden: Yeah, they loved little league baseball. And back then in the '70s and '80s, Little League baseball was very popular, especially in Tampa.

So once I got drafted, everybody has a nickname. They want to call me Goody. I said, 'No, I don't like that.' They said, 'What do they call you back home?' So I said, 'Doc.' So 'Doc' kind of stuck. And once I got to the majors and started getting a lot of strikeouts, they added the K.

Miller: Yeah, 'Doc' is kind of cool. It's rugged. Surgical precision, fast. Lickety-split. That's who you are.

Gooden: I like that. What you just described is me on the field. And now I'm just trying to do that off the field.

Miller: How so?

Gooden: Just mostly with kids, which is basically my passion, touching lives. Obviously, I use baseball for the platform. But once I get their attention, whether speaking in schools, correctional centers or what have you, then I switch to dealing with life on life terms. And I kind of tell my story, how it all happened, how it all unfolded, and how it got back on track.

Miller: I mean, you lived an extraordinary life with some extraordinary circumstances and some unbelievable bad times. How would you describe it?

Gooden: You're right. It's been like a rollercoaster ride. And at times, it was very, very deep. But the thing is I've always believed in myself and tried to battle through it, through the bad side, the dark sides. And I think a lot of times will get me in trouble with tryin' to do it alone. Today I know I don't have to do that alone. And it don't work by doing alone.

Miller: So you wrote this book, 'Doc.' And you don't pull any punches. You're in the prologue laying it all out: 'You'd have to look hard to find another young athlete in any sport who had risen so high so quickly and then fallen so hard. Too much, too fast, too young, my life was spinning wildly, and I was the one who didn't have a clue. . . . As my teammates rode through the Canyon of Heroes [following the Mets' 1986 World Series victory], I was all alone in my bed in Roslyn, Long Island, with the curtains closed and the TV on, missing what should have been the greatest morning of my life. I had never felt so lonely before. I hope I never feel that way again.'

What were you thinking?

Gooden: Like I said, how things happen so fast. Obviously, my dream was to make it to the major leagues. I never thought about awards or anything happening so fast.

Miller: You were 19 when you were called up. Were you using at 19?

Gooden: I wasn't using. I was drinking. And the drinking started increasing as years started going on. And then it led to the drugs.

Miller: When did you start the drugs?

Gooden: I actually started marijuana in high school, occasionally. Didn't do anything for me. The cocaine started actually in 1985, during the off-season. That's my first experience with it.

Miller: Why did you need it?

Gooden: Didn't need it at the beginning, I thought. Actually, I was going to get marijuana. And the first time I tried the cocaine, unfortunately, it was love at the first sniff. I always tell the story where I remember trying Copenhagen tobacco, got me sick, I hated it. And I still never went back to Copenhagen to this day. Cocaine was sort of the opposite. It made me feel -- I mean, it was a false feeling, but I thought it made me feel like the person that I wanted to be -- more vocal. I felt good inside, comfortable in my own skin. Just a lot of false hope.

Miller: Why were you uncomfortable?

Gooden: Growing up in Tampa, I was just a shy kid. Just loved baseball. All I wanted to do was play baseball. Wasn't aware of everything that goes along with that. I was lucky enough to make it to the majors, started getting a lot of attention -- didn't know how to say no. People pleasing. And just doing whatever made the others happy, even though it wasn't making me happy. And when something was bothering me, not being able to say that. Just holding a lot of stuff in. And I would medicate myself with the drugs and alcohol.

Miller: Being so young, so talented, finding fame and fortune and success so quickly, what was the most difficult for you to deal with?

Gooden: I think the most difficult thing was, the success came very fast, and not being able to say no. The difficult part was letting someone know how I really was feeling inside. I just tried to [keep] it within myself, which doesn't work.

Miller: Did you want to do this interview?

Gooden: Yes, I want to do this interview. And I'm glad I'm doing this interview.

Miller: Why?

Gooden: It's like removing that mask altogether. And I think it started after going to 'Celebrity Rehab,' then doing this book -- you know, this is who I am today. And I'm comfortable in my own skin now. I have peace with it.

Miller: You said you've been to countless other rehabilitation centers. What was it about 'Celebrity Rehab,' that experience?

Gooden: I think it was a couple things. Number one, for the first time in my life I was completely ready to get clean and sober. There's no perfect rehab place. I was ready to do whatever it took to get sober. I was ready to get clean.

Part of me, before I was on that show, was, 'Well, it's hard for me to accept and say I'm an addict,' which that's who I am. It was kind of the ego thing. But it was a point in my life where I was just sick and tired of just basically being sick and tired.

Miller: What is it to admit you're an addict? What does that feel like?

Gooden: At the beginning, it felt like a defeat. I think I struggled a lot of times because I was in denial. First rehab I went to I was 21, back in 1987. And when I went there, when they tell you, you know, 'You can't drink or use drugs for the rest of your life,' of course, the drug part I was okay with. But then as a young kid, you think, I can't drink for the rest of my life? I'm 21!

Opposed to saying, 'You can drink, but along the way you're gonna have problems. There's gonna be jails. There's gonna be institutions. And if you're not lucky, it's gonna be death.' So I wasn't looking at [it] that way. I was just looking at, 'Man, poor me. I'm not gonna be able to drink.' Not aware of all the problems that drinking had brought to me, and led me back to the drugs. So it was very tough at a young age. But getting to the point where I was at now in my life, you don't have the desire to do it anymore. And your life's a lot better not with alcohol and drugs.

Miller: Take me back to that day: You're watching on television, your teammates go down the Canyon of Heroes and you're not with them.

Gooden: That was probably one of the low points of my life. Watching my team celebrate, you know, at that point bit in denial, thinking you can do a little bit of drugs and rejoin your teammates, make the appointment.

Watching that on TV with a bunch of strangers, you know, you're doing all the drugs you can possibly do. You can't get high anymore. Now [you're] just totally depressed. You don't know how it got to that point. It was probably the worst day of my life. Even more so than going to prison.

Miller: It was worse than the day you went to prison?

Gooden: I think it was worse than the day I went to prison. Going from the joy that I got with the fans on the field and my teammates jumping up and down, everybody pouring champagne on you, to basically three hours after that moment, I'm in the projects, drugs around, I'm sure I look like crap, smell like crap. It was horrible.

Miller: Why did you go there?

Gooden: Had a problem. I was in denial, just thinking I can go there, get a little bit, and come back and join my friends.

Miller: But weren't you already high on life, at that point? You were high on the victory, weren't you?

Gooden: High on the victory, very high. And that's like the ultimate. But then you're dealing with the disease of drugs and alcohol on top of that. My problem always not just been things are bad, I turn to drugs and alcohol, but when things are good, I turn to drugs and alcohol.

In '87, once I tested positive and I was going to rehab and I came home to tell my parents what was going on, it was like a relief. My dad was very upset, because I guess he was probably in denial about it. But when I told my mom, she said, 'Good, now you can get help that you deserve, that you need.' So that told me right there she knew all along.

Looking at it now, I could have [gone] to her and talked to her about it. But it was a situation where you don't want to hurt them. You don't know how they gonna take it. You know, they didn't raise you this way. But she knew all the time.

Miller: The first chapter in the book is 'Whose Dream?' What does that mean?

Gooden: Well, this dream is about my father living out his dream. My father grew up in a small town, Cordele, Georgia, where he played baseball. [Was] very knowledgeable on baseball. And I feel bad I never got the opportunity to ask him where did all the knowledge come from.

I remember being about six or seven, watching games with him on Saturdays. And he'll have his beer and chips. I'll have my juice and cookies and what have you. And we'll watch the game. There'd be a game on the radio, as well. I was seven years old first time I played organized baseball. I end up quitting the team, because the team was terrible. And I remember my dad said, 'You quit again, you'll never get to play.' The team was terrible. I hated losing. I would cry after every game, like most kids do.

But when I got about 10, I remember my dad asked me how much did I like baseball. I said, 'I like it a lot.' 'Well, how much?' I said, 'I like it where maybe I could be on TV.' He said, 'Okay.' So from that point, he was basically gonna live out his dream, where after work he'd take me to the field and do all these drills and different things with myself and my nephew Gary.

Now we're watching the games, instead of me just eating cookies and drinking juice, he would basically ask me questions about the game: 'What pitch would you throw here? Why would you throw this pitch here?' Until I got about 14 or 15, it became more my dream at that time, but I wouldn't say he was pushing me where it was tough and uncomfortable.

WEB EXTRA VIDEO: Dwight Gooden talks of the late George Steinbrenner, the New York Yankees owner who hired Gooden after the ace's career with the Mets had ended.

But there was a lot of stuff going on that you do with a kid that wasn't normal, as far as all the drills, because it was his dream. Because he didn't get the opportunity to do it, or find out if he's good enough to make it. He was going to put me in the position where I can do that. And so probably about 14 or 15, where I thought it was something there with that dream, it was his dream. But then it became my dream, where I went the extra mile to fulfill it.

Miller: He was your coach, your mentor, your dad, a great influence on your life? Where did the negative influences come from? Because it seems to me like he was trying to keep you out of the areas of bad stuff.

Gooden: Yeah, you're exactly right.

Miller: He was trying to keep you on the straight and narrow.

Gooden: Right, I think that came from me where, again, being quiet and shy, I was a guy that would take chances. I was the guy who wanted to find out, what is that like? if my mom said, 'Hey, you can't have a drink,' I want to know why they saying that.

Miller: Were you popular?

Gooden: With the kids, probably once I had the local paper, the Tampa Tribune, coming, writing writing stories on me at a young age, about my pitching, everything like that. So probably at 12, I became popular in the neighborhood, because at that age, once you get something written about you in the newspaper, you want to show everybody. Not only the neighborhood, but even at the school. So at that time, I became very popular.

My mom was a very disciplined woman. She was very big on grades and getting education. And even at high school, she'll bring applications home to get a job. So I would take 'em right to my dad, say, 'Dad, I can't work, you know, I got baseball practice. I have school.' And he would go to my mom, and he would kind of negotiate for me. So thank God, I could throw a baseball, because that's the only job I ever had, you know, somewhere around baseball.

Miller: In the midst of your using, did baseball still mean something to you?

Gooden: Baseball was fun . . . it was two parts of it, I should say. Rookie ball, then '84, my rookie year in the majors, '85 was the highlight of my career. I mean, not only was I having success, but just fun off the field, did a couple commercials, and just havin' a great time. '86 was when things started changing a little bit.

And what I mean by that is, if I pitched a game, say, against one of the top pitchers [like] Orel Hershiser -- if I won the game 1-0, complete game shutout, but I only had three strikeouts, when the game is over, the first question I get in front of my locker is, 'What happened? You only had three strikeouts.' And I'm thinking to myself, I just pitched a shutout. I won 1-0, [and] you're asking about the strikeouts.

But internally, the people-pleasing comes out. So now my next start I'm thinking, I gotta get 10 strikeouts. I gotta pitch a shutout. I gotta pitch a complete game. So it became more of a job. Even though it's a job, it's still a game, you're still supposed to have fun. Because I allowed the expectations to change and dictate the fun that I was having. And then I became part of the expectation, to the extent where, I don't know if you remember up in left field, they used to have this thing, the 'K corner,' where they line all the K's up for each strikeout. And what I would do is after I strike out a guy and they're passing the ball around the infield, and I get the ball back from the third baseman, I'll take a peek up there to see how many K's I had, because I wanted to make sure I got 10 by the end of the game.

The K corner was fun. You know, first two years a lot of fun. Then the third year, it's kind of work. You trying to count 'em. You don't want the coach to know you're looking up there.

Miller: Why not?

Gooden: Then he knows you're more locked in on strikeouts than winning the game, and focusing on the hitters. So I'll always take a peek up there to see where I'm at.

Miller: Always?

Gooden: Always, yeah.

Miller: Did you ever pitch high?

Gooden: I never pitched high. There's no way possible I could have done that. And I don't understand how some guys did it, not on cocaine.

Miller: Okay, you talk about wanting to be a people-pleaser. I mean, didn't the Cy Young Award do it for you? I mean, to be that good, to win that young?

Gooden: It did. And I think, at that time, winning the Cy Young is kind of expected. Because I had just won Rookie of the Year in the second half of my season, kind of took the baseball city by storm. That should have done it.

Then '86 was, 'Okay, you did it in '85. Let's do it again.' But the season I had in '85, to duplicate that was almost impossible, even on a great year. The numbers that I had, the stats, the statistics that I had in '85 [24 wins, 4 losses, ERA 1.53, 268 Kos], to try to go out and duplicate that was going ot be impossible anyway. Still, '86 I had a great year. But because of the season I had in '85, it wasn't up to others' standards. And then it wasn't up to my standards, because I allowed others to do that.

Miller: So you started so well, you only had to fall. I mean, you had nowhere to go but down.

Gooden: Exactly right. The way I came in, normally it takes about four or five years for a player to reach his prime or his peak. And it happened to me right away -- 19 and 4 with 300 strikeouts, Minor League Player of the Year, then coming to the Majors at 19, like you said, the only way to go was down from there.

Miller: Do you think if had a gradual rise, you could have saved not only your career, but you could have saved -- what could you have saved?

Gooden: I probably could have -- that's a great question. I look at that all the time. I replay the tape. What could have been different? What if the first three years had been average and then I had the big thing? Honestly, I think I was going to have the problems regardless. I think with the pressure from New York and the expectations added on it made it happen quickly.

But the life I was living and the path I was on, I think it was going to happen regardless, probably just happen later. So to that extent, I'm glad it happened earlier. I don't like the way it happened. But I just take the negative and turn it to a positive where, you know, just helping others out, so they won't have to go through the same things. And helping others is helping myself, as well.

WEB EXTRA VIDEO: Instead of being by his father's side in the hospital, Dwight "Doc" Gooden explained to Michelle Miller his decision to pitch a game that wound up becoming a no-hitter.

Miller: So we talked about drugs. We haven't talked about the women and what that did to your marriage. There are all these relationships. How did you mend that? First, how did you break it, and then how did you mend it?

Gooden: Well, I got married very young, which is no excuse. I was married to a great woman. Four beautiful kids from her. And everything was great at home. But once the drugs came in, the drug became my kids. The drugs became my wife. The drugs became everything. It was about the drugs first and then everything else, unfortunately.

Along the way with drugs comes the women -- hangin' in strip clubs. It was part of that whole cycle. Once you sober up, then the guilt sneaks in. But three years later, you're doing the same thing. It wasn't fair to my first wife or my kids. You know, I missed a lot of birthdays, missed a lot of school activities that you can't redo.

It was a very tough thing. And then, basically, when I filed for divorce with my first wife after being married 17 years, it was only because I wanted to still get high. I didn't want my kids to see me hung over or the way I am. And I had no more excuses to tell her the car had a flat tire. You know, 'I'm stuck in another town.' I still was in denial that I had a problem. But basically I was divorcing my family, I would say, for the cocaine.

Miller: When did you hit rock bottom?

Gooden: Going to meetings, they always say you'll hit rock bottom before you get better, but I always get into a confrontation with that. I always say when you die, that's rock bottom.

Once I divorced my family, I said, 'This is rock bottom. I'm sittin' here in an apartment. Nobody's around. I'm gettin' high with people I don't know.' Missing the parade could have been rock bottom. Going to prison. There's so many different things. There's been a lot of bottoms.

I think it had to be something that sets the light off, you just get to a point where you say, 'Hey, I can't live like this no more.'

Miller: What was that that set the light off?

Gooden: What set the light off was actually in 2010 being in a hotel room, the Comfort Inn on Route 17. I'll never forget it. I was going through a divorce again, my second wife. Got right back into my addiction, because with the disease of alcohol, drugs, no matter how much time you have off, once you pick up again, you don't start over -- you start from where you left off. Started back using.

I was stuck in a hotel room for three months, you know? I was just gettin' high. Isolated from my family, my friends, my fans. And it's funny, I had the radio on this one morning in the hotel room. And I'm getting goosebumps now just thinking about it. The song come on, the artist is Marvin Sapp. He's a gospel singer.

Out of the blue, I don't even know if it was a Sunday, but this song comes on: 'I Never Would Have Made It Without You': 'Now I'm better. Now I'm getting stronger.' And it just hit me. So that let me know that it was a power greater than myself ready to pull me out of this mess, if I'm willing to do the work.

Miller: You say you're still here for a reason. How long have you been sober?

Gooden: Two years, March made two years.

Miller: Don't most addicts say the day, the time?

Gooden: Yes, most addicts will tell you the day, the time, and the hours. I've gotten in trouble with that throughout my recovery, where I try: 'Monday'll be two months, Tuesday'll be three days and this . . . ' When I start doing that, I'm forgetting I have a life to live. So I just put the focus on today. 'Cause if I get caught up in days, times, it just kind of sets me back, and I get thrown away from, you know, living life in reality.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, that works for some people. Some people have a meeting every day, some people every week. Me, I have to go three or four times a week. That's just the way it is, whether I want to go, I don't want to go. I have to take an hour out just for myself to do that.

The best way of explaining that, if it's a cancer patient and they going for the chemo, me going to my meetings, me talking to my sponsor daily, me checking in with my support group, that's my chemo. That's just something that I have to accept. And I'm at a point now where I look forward to doing that.

Miller: What do you need from your sponsor? I don't want to [ask] what do you talk about, but what gets you through?

Gooden: What gets me through is his voice. It's like checking in. For instance, maybe [in this] interview, I touch back on my sister, or missing my daughter's school events. I have to talk to him and let him know how it's been, so these things don't build up to a trigger. 'Cause a lot of times the relapse comes before you pick up.

I'll call him every day. He don't go for the text messaging. So I call him, 'Hey, what's going on? What did you do today?' 'I did an interview.' 'What did you talk about?' So he's just making sure you hit everything. And you just want to make sure that you don't miss anything.

Miller: So your reality is talking to me, writing the book, those could possibly be triggers for you?

Gooden: Yes, because I'm reliving some of those moments. Like, for instance, what I witnessed with my sister [who was shot when Dwight was five years old]. Once I start talking about it now, I can relive that moment. That don't necessarily mean I'm gonna go out and use. But I want to make sure those things don't happen. Because it could be something that builds up. So I just kind of check in with my sponsor. And he may be able to pull something out of it.

Miller: So why do it? Why open it up? Why talk about it?

Gooden: This is part of my therapy. Actually, I mean, it's good for me. I'm helping others by sharing my story. But also you guys being here today is helping me talk about it. Because those things, you want to remember, but you don't want to dwell on it. It just lets you know that if I was to go back and use, these are the things that can happen if you're lucky. The next things that could happen that I haven't experienced yet is death. I've been to prison. I've been to jail. I've been to institutions. I've been to rehab. So the cemetery's waiting right there if I was to pick up. And I'm aware of that today.

Miller: You look great, by the way.

Gooden: Thank you.

Miller: I mean, you look like you could be a teenager.

Gooden: Wow, thank you. That's a great compliment. I'll be 50 next year.

Miller: Well, I think of what you've done to your body.

Gooden: Oh yeah. Yeah, that's true. I mean, that's definitely a blessing. But thank you. And this is part of what keep me going. And like I say, unveiling my story was a big whale for me as well. You know, I don't have to carry that secret anymore.

I'm just taking it day by day. And it's different, because I've given up everything. You have to give up everything to stay clean and sober. I mean, you give up things. You may get by for a couple of days or a month. But you have to let it all go. You have to change your lifestyle. And you have to be committed.

Miller: Your family, have you been able to repair the damage done?

Gooden: Not completely. I think a lot of it, they've forgiven me. But you never really -- I'll use my mom, for example. When I go to Tampa to see my mom, even though it's been two years that I've been clean, if I say, 'I'm going to the store' or whatever, sometimes she may say, 'What you going to get?' Or, 'I'll ride with you.'

And I know that's just the damage I've done her. A lot of the stuff that I've done to them, you know, you feel bad. But it's a situation where in time, they will eventually get over it or learn to move on and get their life going. Because it has been damage done to the family members.

Miller: Well, you think back, your mom's just trying to help you.

Gooden: She's just trying to help. And she still has all my jewelry locked up, my rings locked up in her safe. And I don't know the combination. (laughs) You know? She won't give it up. So it's just stuff like that. But you know, I understand, because it has been, like I said, over 20 years of this rollercoaster ride. So I definitely understand the damage I've done to them. But [it's] getting better.

Miller: How much money would you estimate you've run through?

Gooden: That I've blown away? I mean, millions, not only drugs and drinking, but, you know, people that you think are your friends, giving stuff. A lot of cousins that I didn't know I had, you know? (laughs) All that type of stuff happens.

Miller: Pleasing people.

Gooden: Pleasing people, basically. And if I had friends with me, whatever I was getting, they was getting. So went through a lot, but even though I've had all that stuff, I never really had peace. The peace I have now, I wouldn't trade that for the millions that I blew, not at all.

WEB EXTRA VIDEO: Pitcher Dwight Gooden told Michelle Miller how he's had the nickname "Doc" ever since he played Little League baseball.

Miller: You're in a, what, two-bedroom apartment?

Gooden: Yes. And I have peace. I have more peace here than I had when I had the 12-bedroom house, at one time.

Miller: This is a far cry from a 12-bedroom house, millionaire mansion of a Cy Young Award-winner. But you have what you want?

Gooden: I have what I want now, within myself. And, you know, I feel good about who I am. And, unfortunately, all the ups and downs I went through has molded me into the man that I am today. And I'm very happy for that.

Miller: Who is that man today?

Gooden: Today, that man is a very grateful man, a willing and caring man that's willing to help others. Not embarrassed anymore or ashamed about the life I live. And just everyday is peaceful. And my goal every day is to try to put a smile on a stranger's face.

Miller: Really?

Gooden: Yes.

Miller: You've succeeded.

Gooden: Succeeded, yes. I like that. (laughs) Thank you.

For more info:

• "Doc: A Memoir" by Dwight Gooden and Ellis Henican (New Harvest)