Easing A Child's Fear

Fear and anxiety are a natural part of growing up. But sometimes, parents are unsure how to help their kids through the scary times.

Parenting magazine contributing editor, Heather Kahn, visited The Early Show Monday to give parents some guidelines to help alleviate children fears.

She says many children share similar fears as they grow up, such as "the monster under the bed." These fears are a natural part of how they learn to understand their environment, according to Kahn. And children's fear may seem more outrageous and frequent then adults because they have so much more to learn.

Some children are more fearful or frightened than others. And, believe it or not, Kahn says, it can be traced to their genes. But, kids can also learn fear from mom and dad. If spiders or flying scares the parents, it is important for the adult to keep their worries in check, she says. Kahn does say it's reasonable for parents to admit their nervousness of certain things, but they should quickly move the focus of the conversation to facts.

Kahn explains the following fears by age group and what a parent can do to calm their children:

• Babies

  Babies don't begin to be fearful of things until they are six or seven months old, according to studies. But, they are born with some reflexes that may seem to be signs of fear. Kahn says they will naturally cry at loud noises and cling if they sense they are falling. She says most babies' first true fear is a stranger anxiety. One day they love grandma, the next they scream at the sight of her.

  While this can be embarrassing for parents, and grandma may complain, "you're clearly spoiling her." This crying, however, is actually a good sign, says Kahn. It proves that your baby has bonded with you and is beginning to recognize the idea of object permanence.

  Kahn says your baby will continue to wail at anything that startles her, such as the flushing of the toilet or the sight of a bearded man. This shows that she is developing well, she says.

  What To Do

  Soothe Child: Reassuring hugs and calm words work wonders, says Kahn.
  Orchestrate the Environment: There's no reason to expose your baby to her fears, she will outgrow them naturally and fairly quickly, says Kahn. Make a point of keeping her away from things that scare her, she suggests

• Toddlers

  Kahn says at about the age of 18 months, toddlers begin to try and distinguish between real and fantasy. Your son may love Barney on television, but when the big dinosaur shows up at a birthday party it can be confusing and overwhelming, she explains. Also, toddlers are beginning to attach new meaning to familiar things in their environment at this age. Kahn says things that never worried them before suddenly seem terrifying, such as the bathtub drain.

  What To Do

  Reassure with Facts: Show and tell your child how things work, recommends Kahn. For instance, fill the bathtub with water and bubble bath. Then drain the tub and point out that the bubbles are not sucked into the drain because they are bigger than the drain's holes. She rationalizes that a child frightened of being sucked in himself will then realize this can't happen to him.

  Face Fears in Controlled Setting: Kahn says don't go out of your way to avoid things that scared toddlers. As long as mom or dad is there to hold hands and explain what's happening, exposing kids to fears is healthy, she says.

• Preschoolers

  Preschoolers are beginning to be aware of life's real dangers at this age, says Khan. Couple this new awareness with an active imagination and you have kids scared of monsters under the bed, she explains. Kids are also beginning to share information (often misinformation) with friends and listen to parents' conversations. This is the time to watch what you say in front the kids and turn off the television news, she says.

  What To Do

  Understand Child's Fear: When your child says she is afraid of lightening, don't immediately reassure her that it's not going to hit her, says Kahn. She may only be scared of the bright flash of light is makes in her bedroom. Kahn says to take the time to find out exactly what's scaring your child.

  Don't Overreact: While you should never mock a child's fear, overindulging the fear can make matters even worse because it causes the child to think there's something to be very scared of, she says.

  Provide Coping Mechanisms: Kahn recommends giving your child a song to sing or a special stuffed animal to hug when she's scared of the rain on the roof or monsters in the closet.

• Grade-Schoolers

  While you probably think of your grade-school-aged child as mature, she may hold onto to some of her fears, says Kahn. Or, the fears may continue to pop up from time to time. At this age, kids begin to fear real-world terrors, such as accidents, divorce, kidnapping and even death. Kahn says when kids first hear about death, they tend to think it's reversible. When they realize it's not, fear sets in.

  What To Do

  Address Concerns with Facts: If a child is concerned about death, Kahn says parents should explain what it is, but then reassure the child.

  Tell Child He's Not Alone: Grade-schoolers may be embarrassed about their fears. Kahn says parents should reassure their child that that he or she is not acting like a baby; everyone her age and even adults have fears too.

Seeking Help

Being afraid is a natural part of being a child. So a child under the age of five doesn't need professional help, says Kahn. But, you may need to turn to a professional if your child's fear is interfering with his everyday life, such as he doesn't want to go to school or out to play or she doesn't want to wear shorts because she's afraid of bees.

Kahn assures parents that they will know when and if fear is becoming a serious problem. If you do decide to seek help, chose a therapist who specializes in childhood anxieties.

Kahn recommends the following books for parents to help their children confront their fears:

Tenth Good Thing About Barney, by Judith Viorst
Hug, by Jez Alborough
There's an Alligator Under My Bed, by Mercer Mayer