"Dancing with the Stars": What we learned
We learned that Chelsea Kane and her partner Mark Ballas feared they wouldn't endear themselves to the judges with their wonderfully creative jive. We also learned that Ballas was annoyed his partner was awarded a 5 for her efforts.
Pictures: "Dancing with the Stars" Season 12
We learned that Kirstie Alley was the protagonist behind an end-of-quickstep kiss that seemed to surprise her partner, Maksim Chmerkovskiy.
"I think they want to know if there was any tongue involved," she told the not-so-secret cameras. "But we'll just have to keep it a secret for now."
Alley, known to be one of the funnier people alive, then suggested that next week she would try some interpretive dance.
We also learned that ABC must be a very forgiving network, after allowing Chris Brown to showcase his miming skills, just a few days after he apparently showcased his window-karate skills after a brief sojourn on "Good Morning America."
This was even after one of the finest professionals on the show, Cheryl Burke, had expressed her discomfort that Brown would be appearing.
We also learned that there are even more absurdly attractive and athletic men and women ready to take the professionals' places, biding their time in the new, fresh-faced "Dancing with the Stars" troupe.
In addition, we learned that Romeo, son of Master P, Ps in his pants before a performance.
We learned that Kirstie Alley does, indeed, have the perfect relationship with her partner. She said it's just like acting. During the shoot you're madly in love with them. The minute it's over, you kick them to the curb.
And we learned that the words: "I'm a metaphor, an analogy person" emerged from lips we might not have expected--those of former Playboy person, Kendra Wilkinson.
We learned that professional partner Kym Johnson is obsessed with Hines Ward's bottom. Specifically, its position at any given moment.
We learned that Wendy Williams burps often, burps loud and doesn't hold back. Well, why would you when you're a star?
But what we learned most of all is that if you're a star of whom relatively few have heard and you dance about as well as a three-legged llama, then you are unlikely to progress very far.
Catherwood stood no chance because he had no dance. He felt he was now on the Mount Rushmore of Terrible Dancers, together with stellar first round eliminees such as Kenny Mayne and David Hasselhoff.
Catherwood's departure means that viewers won't again get to see (at least in competition) the quite phenomenal professional, Lacey Schwimmer.
On the other hand, they still have a chance to learn what causes Wendy Williams' wind.
