Artist Chanel Miller on reclaiming her identity after sexual assault and anti-Asian racism
Chanel Miller was once known to the world as Emily Doe, the anonymous victim of a 2015 sexual assault by Stanford University student Brock Turner. After stepping into the public eye in 2019 with the pointedly-titled best-selling memoir "Know My Name," which she wrote in secrecy for three years, Miller has made a life for herself as an artist in New York City.
"I'm really grateful that before lockdown happened, I was able to have a few book signings, and finally meet people face-to-face and experience that warmth directly," Miller told CBS News' Vladimir Duthiers. "I'm meeting the people who have saved me."
Miller moved to New York City during the coronavirus pandemic, and described gaining a sense of familiarity with her neighborhood during lockdown. She recalled the "suspended state of uncertainty" she lived in while anonymously waiting for her attacker's verdict as a college student.
"I had to just keep reassuring myself that no matter the outcome, I would figure out a way to be okay. And right now that's something we're all learning how to do," she said.
Miller wrote in her book that art had helped her through some of the darkest periods of her life. She said being in the courtroom during her attacker's trial was especially difficult, because "it's a place that's completely devoid of art."
Years later, Miller, who has felt the pain of being marginalized as an Asian American, was asked by San Francisco's Asian Art Museum to create a 75-foot mural. She said the new project is validation for how she sees herself, and "how much space" she believes she deserves "to take up in the world."
"And that's what I hope people feel when they go there and see it," she said.
Read a portion of their conversation below:
Vladimir Duthiers: You move to New York City in the middle of a pandemic. What has that been like for you?
Chanel Miller: I'm very familiar with the trees in my neighborhood. I've, you know, developed deep grooves in the sidewalks from walking the same loops… but when I was writing the book I was alone at home for three years without any coworkers and without anyone knowing that I was at home… So I felt like, okay, I've been here before. But the difference for me now is that I'm not as mentally isolated, because this time people are aware of who I am and what I'm doing…
And I also think I was forced to live in a suspended state of uncertainty for a really long time. I waited a year and a half to get that verdict… And I had to just keep reassuring myself that no matter the outcome, I would figure out a way to be okay. And right now that's something we're all learning how to do. And I hope that people don't underestimate that as a skill.
Duthiers: It's been nearly a year since you revealed your identity… What's it like now that the entire world knows your name?
Miller: I'm really grateful that before lockdown happened, I was able to have a few book signings, and finally meet people face-to-face and experience that warmth directly. You know, people would line up and write their names on Post-it notes in the book so that I could sign them… And I've kept every single one, because I'm meeting the people who have saved me.
Duthiers: You've written that, you know, when you were growing up it was hard to find representation… in this culture that we live in here in the United States, which made it hard for you to identify with your Asian heritage. Talk to me a little bit more about that.
Miller: Yeah. I mean, growing up I didn't see people who looked like me on prominent screens. And even before I started doing interviews last year, I kept questioning if I truly belonged in these prominent seats. But then… I thought, "Maybe it's because I'm not used to seeing people like me sitting there. And so that's why it feels so unnatural. So if I do it maybe it'll become more natural for someone else who looks like me."
Duthiers: In the wake of the coronavirus, there's been an uptick in attacks on Asians, but specifically in this country on Asian Americans… Have you experienced any of that?
Chanel: Well, first I wanna say that it's important to note that it's not new. It's more physical and frequent and aggressive, but it's not new. And if you speak to any Asian American, they can list out microaggressions they've experienced since childhood, and insulting, racist comments… we can't tolerate this anymore, especially now when the hate crimes are getting more violent and pervasive. We're not gonna sit back.
Duthiers: You write that your art is what helped you get through some of the darkest periods of your life. And now you are creating art and exhibiting art. What does that feel like?
Miller: I think a lot about how when I was in court, it's a place that's completely devoid of art… And that was difficult for me. You know, art has immense power to nourish people, and to also address your humanity, saying, you know, just to give someone something nice to look at. So that was important to me. And now what's incredible is that the Asian Art Museum has given me a 75-foot wall.
Duthiers: That's amazing.
Miller: Yeah. And it's something that I never would've asked for or thought to ask for, saying "Hey, can I fill that wall?"
So the fact that they brought me to the museum, stood me on the street before this massive wall and said, "This is yours," again, that's restructuring how I see myself, and also telling me how much space I deserve to take up in the world. And that's what I hope people feel when they go there and see it.
