Carin' About Caryn

Analysis of "Survivor: Palau" Episode Eleven, by CBSNews.com's Ellen Crean.

Unfortunately, we are talking about "Survivor," and a quality that rules in the real world often is nothing but a liability on reality television.

For there was Fireman Tom, suddenly taking Caryn aside, wooing her loyalty, and assuring her that he would look out for her interests as long as she would look out for his. A touching scene, a promise between friends. How nice.

HELLO?????

The game is "Survivor."

Well, OK. That did not happen right away. The episode opened with Koror's return from the Tribal Council where Janu withdrew from the game, foiling the tribe's plan to get rid of Stephenie. ("I'm upset," noted Gregg.)

Stephenie herself, well aware that she was thisclose to going home, told the camera she was so disgusted that "I almost don't want to talk to anyone, but I'm not going to shoot myself in the foot."

Being an extremely clever player, Stephenie first approached Katie, then Tom, to determine her position, though at that point, it was more like confirmation rather than determination. She could not get any sort of an answer from Katie, and heard a lot of hollow empathy from Tom.

The truth was that Tom was beginning to get pretty concerned about his own position, to the point where he told his allies (Katie, Ian, Gregg and Jenn) that he hoped they would not "penalize" him for "being a strong player."

Of course, as soon as Tom was out of earshot, the other four mildly mocked him for expecting them to overlook his prowess as a player. In the words of the ever-true Katie: "Sorry, buddy."

Right after that was when Stephenie proposed the all-woman alliance to Katie and Jenn, since the numbers favored the women, 4 to 3. As Stephenie rightly put it: "No matter how big of a threat I am, those three men are bigger."

While Katie and Jenn seemed to be seriously considering the new alliance, the plotting was interrupted by the reward challenge, which turned out to be the food auction that comes up in every edition of "Survivor." Beforehand, Tom expressed hope that there would be word from home as well, telling the camera, "Mostly, right now, I think I need a little food for the soul, and anything from home would serve that purpose."

At the auction, the bidders (who each were given $500) found that they were not permitted to see what they were buying, but everyone did pretty well. Jenn paid $120 for an ice cream sundae and Caryn and Stephenie paid $260 to split a double cheeseburger, fries and a soft drink.

Ian outdid everyone by spending $280 (plus $20 from Gregg "for a bite") for spaghetti with meat sauce, garlic bread and parmesan cheese. When he hugged Jeff Probst, the host emphatically informed him, "Wow, you smell, Ian! You reek!"

Ian topped off his meal with a $40 bottle of beer.

But the piece de resistance turned out to be, as Tom had intuited, letters from home, and he did not hesitate to pay $220 for his. After that, Jeff offered letters to anyone who was willing to pay $220 as well, and it looked like everyone got "a little food for the soul."

It was such a rewarding challenge that the gang actually thanked Jeff, who noted this was "one of the few days you like me."

Actually, another fringe benefit turned out to be Ian's decision to finally take a bath. He toddled off into the surf with some toiletries, explaining, "Today is Bath Day in honor of Jeff Probst, who noted that I definitely stink."

For some reason, Jenn and Katie had some snide remarks to make about Gregg washing Ian's back. Actually, Jenn made it clear that she felt it would have been more appropriate for a girl to wash him. Later, Ian asked Tom to check his neck for dirt, and Tom confirmed it was clean but spelled it out for Ian: "I'm not going to wash it."

There is no way to confirm this, since none of the women were shown taking a bath in this episode. But it's probably safe to say that if, say, Jenn had been washing Katie's back, Ian and Gregg probably would not have had anything to say about it. Or, if they did, it probably would have been something positive.

Well, enough talk about back-washing. Let's get back to back-stabbing!

This was where Tom took Caryn aside, because, as he told the camera, "I want Caryn to think I'm looking out for her interests and she's looking out for mine."

And then, right after that, there was an immunity challenge that called for the players, from a platform 20 feet away, to shatter five ceramic tiles by throwing coconuts at them. Ian wound up winning the immunity necklace and not Tom.

Stephenie wisely took this as her cue to rally the women and get Tom out of the game, and Katie actually seemed to be entertaining the idea. She even took Caryn aside to share the plan with her, saying, "I love Tom and I will cry when I have to write his name down. But I have accepted that I will have to."

Caryn listened nicely, then informed the camera, "I'm watching out for Tom. Tom is watching out for me."

And she promptly found Tom and sang like a canary.

And how did Tom react? Did he thank her for having such integrity and sticking to her word?

No, silly. Tom knew he was playing "Survivor," so he proceeded to cross-examine her as if she was a kid who was just caught driving without a license. And Caryn? Well, she reacted as if she was a kid who was just caught driving without a license.

About the proposed women's alliance, District Attorney Tom intoned, "Why tell me?"

And Kid Caryn stammered, "I... I... I'm just telling you because I promised I would tell you."

And that has got to be one of the all-time sweet statements of real life -- and all-time DUMB statement of "Survivor."

Tom appeared genuinely perplexed that Caryn had spilled the beans to him, but he recovered sufficiently to tell Ian that Caryn had reported the women's plot.

So Ian immediately pulled Katie aside to tell her that Caryn was spreading a story that Katie was cooking up a plot against the guys, and Katie had no choice but to pretend that she was shocked, shocked, that Caryn would stoop so low as to concoct such a lie.

Once she was along again, Katie matter-of-factly told the camera: "We can't get a female alliance together because Caryn sucks."

Playing in a "Survivor" game is really one of the few situations in which someone would be said to "suck" for being loyal and keeping her word.

But, yes, it is true: As a strategic move, Caryn's move wasn't much of a, well, strategic move.

Caryn, meanwhile, stumbled upon Katie and Ian as they were whispering about her, and she told the camera: "I think I'm screwed because I think Ian told Katie I'm playing probably both sides of the fence, so I might be in trouble. So I don't know where I am right now."

Gregg, on the other hand, knew exactly where he was: focused on Stephenie, and absolutely determined to get rid of her.

Everyone marched off to Tribal Council and apparently Janu was readmitted to the Jungle Goddess Club as soon as she left the game, because when she and Coby took their places as members of the jury, she was not at all recognizable as the sickly "dysfunctional aunt in the attic." She looked exactly like a Las Vegas showgirl.

This time around, Stephenie seemed to be more at peace with her fate, telling Jeff Probst, "Whatever's meant to happen will happen for me."

And Tom took another opportunity to proclaim that he had been playing hard up to that point in the game for the benefit of his tribe.

And Caryn confirmed one more time, "At any given time, I may not know what's going on."

But just about any viewer knew what was going on this time: Gregg got his fondest wish and Stephenie's torch was snuffed out.

Next week: Paranoia sets in, but this is only going to make the game more interesting. Nothing like a tribe forced to start betraying its own members.

Probably, Caryn is not long for the game.
By Ellen Crean