Are Crude Jokes Appropriate Office Behavior?
Dear Evil HR Lady,
I started my current job about 6 months ago, and I have a slight problem: I can't really respect my colleagues. I'm not talking about "treating them with respect", as I try to treat everyone with respect. I'm talking about an honest and genuine feeling of respect.
I did work for quite a number of companies over the years, and I could always respect my mates for being professional, compassionate, nice, or whatever.
While my last company was in banking, my current job is at a university, so it's possible that I'm being too uptight, since this is a pretty laid back place.
I'm not too fond of the daily farting contests, or routine rude jokes that people play here, but I could still respect these guys if they were hardcore professionals, which they are not. They are likeable, but that's it.
With all that said, I can work with them without problems, so is it important at all to honestly respect each other at the workplace?
For full disclosure, I'm being paid well over the national average here, so I don't really want to change jobs at the moment. And yes, I work in the IT department.
As a general rule, I'm not a big fan of rude, crude or socially unacceptable behavior. However, I must confess that this summer my family rode on the FART train (the letters stand for something in Italian), and we giggled about the name the whole time, and made our children stand next to the FART sign so we could take a picture.
But, that was vacation and not the office. In theory, the office is full of real adults, but you work at a university, which means there is undoubtedly contact with those fake adults called students. (And please, no whining about how you're a full grown adult at 18. If mommy and daddy are still giving you money, you're not a real adult.) And college students sometimes do the type of stuff you describe, so these people you work with think it's okay as well.
Is it important to respect your coworkers? Sure. But, they have to earn that respect and their bad behavior is limiting their ability to earn respect. So, in reality, the problem is their problem not yours.
Counter intuitive, of course. It bothers you, it doesn't bother them. But my question is how does your boss behave? Is he participating in the farting contests? If yes, what about his boss? If everyone is, that's the culture and it may not be a good fit for you, regardless of the money. But, I suspect that neither the university president, nor her direct reports, are participating in this behavior. It's probably just that group. And you, as a real adult, are concerned about a whole career, not just this job.
Personally, I'd continue to be pleasant to everyone I worked with, but I wouldn't laugh at the jokes and I'd leave the room during the explosive contests. I wouldn't condemn them for the behavior, but I wouldn't reward it by reacting to it either. Because, if you're not laughing, they want you to at least yell at them, because no response means it's not worth it.
Now, the exception is if their "jokes" are things that could be construed as a hostile workplace. While it's not your job to police your coworkers you should respond by saying, "Did you really mean to say that [ethnic group] is [whatever insult used]?" And then just wait, maintaining eye contact. Do that consistently and either the place will sober up or they'll turn to dead baby jokes.
Now, by not participating and calling them on any racist/sexist behavior (of course, I don't know that they are doing that, but I'm guessing), will mean that you are not their best friend. But, as long as you work hard they should respect you, which is the goal. But, more importantly, your boss and your boss's boss will respect you. And those are the opinions that really count.
For further reading:
- 8 Ways to Stop a Coworker From Sabotaging Your Reputation
- How to Get Your Boss Fired
- My Coworkers are Abusing the System
Photo by kevindooley, Flickr cc 2.0
