Andy Rooney Tackles the Census

I hope all of you are going to fill out your census form when it comes in the mail next month. If you don't return the form the area you live in might get less government money and you wouldn't want that to happen, would you.

This is a sample of the Census 2010 form and I think most people are a little nervous about all the stuff the government wants to know about you. I don't think the government is out to get me or help someone else get me but it wouldn't surprise me if they were out to sell me something or help someone else sell me something.

I mean, why else would the Census Bureau want to know my telephone number? Every form asks for my telephone number. How many government agencies do I have to give my phone number to anyway? Have they ever thought of looking me up in the phone book?

The Census Bureau gets in trouble right away here. You have to pick Person one, it asks that as a question. Now is that a way to start trouble in a family or isn't it? I'll be darned if I'm going to say I'm Person number one. Let someone else be Person one. I suppose they think the man will put himself down as Person one.

Can you imagine what could happens to the guy who puts himself down as Person one? He comes down to breakfast in the morning and his wife says: Good morning, Person number one, can Person number two get Person one a cup of coffee?

There are only ten questions on the form. The last question says: Does Person number one sometimes live or stay somewhere else? Person one better not stay somewhere else very often or he'll be in big trouble with Person number two.

I'll answer none of your damn business to that question.

Written by Andy Rooney