Eric Thomas: Mitt Romney Loves Michigan
Mitt Romney is spending some time in his birthplace in the run up to the February 28 primary. He's neck and neck with Rick Santorum, and many in the media are casting this as his last stand. Romney will do almost anything for your vote. He's cleaning my house behind me while I write this. Just kidding, but I half expect the offer in my email box by the end of the week.
The GOP primary race has already been a festival of calamity. From Super PACs, to 9-9-9 and Rick Perry turning into Miss South Carolina, comedians' Emmy tapes are approaching the running time of Apocalypse Now. The attorney general of Ohio switched his endorsement again, now backing Rick Santorum. He endorsed the former Pennsylvania senator, saying that he is "human," which officially stands as the lowest bar ever set for Presidential qualification in American history.
In Farmington Hills, Romney delivered a stirring speech where he listed the three things he loves most about Michigan. I am sure that everyone reading this could come up with their own three. People might cite a sporting event, deep dish in Greektown, or maybe autumnal fireworks. Romney listed none of those and offered the three things I swear I am not making up.
"It seems right here.. the trees are the right height." Yes, who among us hasn't been caught up in this from time to time? As a boy I would spend hours in the back yard admiring the height of the trees. Not how tall the trees were, or how short they were, but how they trees in Michigan were exactly the right height. When I worked in DC I would often pause to spit at the trees, cursing the sky. "Why can't these trees be the right height?" I would exclaim. Fellow Michiganders would stop immediately and agree with me, because everyone from Michigan is aware of this.
"I like seeing the lakes, I love the lakes. There's something very special here. The Great Lakes but also the other little inland lakes that dot the, uh, parts of Michigan." Romney is clearly just showing off here. Of course people know about the Great Lakes. Every third grader knows about them. Only a true native son would know that there are not just the Great Lakes, but also other lakes. (Disclaimer: Since this is a news blog I need to mention that I don't know if every third grader knows about the Great Lakes. The American education system is declining so rapidly that I don't know if seniors in high school know about them. Luckily we are talking about constant nonsense in the GOP primary now, so we won't be addressing that. Back to the blog.)
"I love cars. I grew up totally in love with cars. It used to be in the 50s and 60s if you could show me a square foot of almost any part of a car I could tell you the brand it was the model and so forth." You gotta hand it to Romney, he knows when he's on a roll. Turns out the former Governor of Massachusetts is just a gear head at heart. He just went the same path as many other car enthusiasts before him, attending Stanford for a year before becoming a Mormon missionary in France and finally graduating from Brigham Young before starting his own venture capitalist firm.
Romney ads have cycloned into the state and hang in just about every commerical break. The ads are amazing and likely cost a king's ransom. The one where he points out Santorum's earmark record (true) looks like a Superbowl ad. Perhaps Mitt Romney could just stay at one of his homes and run the advertising at his rallys. If I was being generous, Romney looks a bit "stiff" when he is speaking publicly. If I were being honest, I would say he seems like an alien.
I know that I have spent this blog making fun of him, but I am really growing to like Mitt Romney. I swear to you that I think he could actually be a good president. His tenure as governor of Massachusetts was very strong, and did a lot for the budget of that state. I don't believe him when he says that he can create jobs, but I don't believe Obama or Santorum either. If the federal government was powerful enough to actually save the economy, don't you think they would have done it by now? The great recession featured decisions from both the right and left side of the aisle and both have produced the same outcome which is mitigated. Jobs are coming back here, but that is because there is a growing labor movement in 3rd world countries and the Chinese government is making demands on the patents. The ebb and flow of the economic waves is something that no government moon can control.
So I really hope that Romney wins the Michigan primary. He's so much fun to write about.
