The Bernstein Brief: Cubs Dish Up A Monstrosity
By Dan Bernstein--
CBSChicago.com senior columnist
(CBS) I like Vienna Beef hot dogs -- a lot, actually. Not in classic "Chicago style" but with a little mustard and some onion.
I like Giordano's pizza, too. Deep dish will never be a first choice with a greasy triangle of the New York version available, but it's fine.
At no point did I ever harbor even the faintest desire to see the two combined into a single food item, but that has now been done. The Cubs will be selling this unholy, amalgamated hot dog deep dish pizza through Wednesday at Wrigley Field.
It's only $10, which is still $10 too much to spend on something conceived in an SNL Superfans fever-dream, prepared in a dark and lonely castle in Franklin Park by evil Dr. Ditka, assisted by Mike North as his giddy, obsequious Igor.
Pick any cinematic metaphor you want for this: a paradox that threatens the time-space continuum, crossing the streams and total protonic reversal or Seth Brundle fused with housefly DNA and metal chunks of the teleport pod, pulling the shotgun to his own head and begging for the sweet release of death.
This shouldn't have been, but it is. May god have mercy on our souls.
Dan Bernstein is a co-host of 670 The Score's "Boers and Bernstein Show" in afternoon drive. You can follow him on Twitter @dan_bernstein and read more of his columns here.
