Horrible (Love) Horoscopes: Leo & Pisces

By Mason Johnson

Warning: If you love astrology, are offended easily, or/and have no sense of humor, this might make you gassy (and angry). Not your sign? Find more Horrible Horoscopes here.

Leo & Pisces

Leo and Pisces, are the two of you crazy? You're opposites. In every way! More likely to choke each other out than get it on. Or both at the same time! Which is awful.

Listen, I don't care what you do behind closed doors, just don't include me. I don't want to know.

Anyway, as you've noticed already, the two of you aren't the best match. Pisces, we all know you'd lie (and lay) your mother right into a shallow grave--telling her everything's going to be alright as you shovel dirt onto her face--if it meant getting ahead in the world. And Leo, you're no lion – your roar lacks bite. You might have a great smile and a tender heart, but you couldn't scare a Middle Eastern bully if your lunch money depended on it (unless you had a bayonet).

Seriously, these qualities contradict each other too much. Stay apart.

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Mason Johnson knows absolutely nothing about astrology.