Dorfman: Derrick, We Love You. Believe Us, We Love You!
By Daniel I. Dorfman--
CHICAGO (WSCR) Let's imagine that all Chicago sports teams were able to stop for the night. No games, no practices, no drafts. To take the fantasy a step farther, the teams decided to have representatives of each franchise honor Derrick Rose, as he is soon to be named MVP of the NBA.
You get the feeling the toasts would go along these lines.
"Derrick, this is the general manager of the Bears. I just want to thank you for your hard work and dedication and doing everything you can to bring the Bulls a seventh championship. But I also want to thank you for taking some heat off me. I really look foolish this morning, by not being able to complete a standard trade with the Baltimore Ravens. It should be pretty simple to package a fourth round pick along with our top pick to Baltimore for their first round draft choice. But somehow the proper phone calls weren't made. Someone in our office must have forgotten the area code in Manhattan. True, in the category of all's well that ends well, the teams got what they wanted, but I still look silly after some other screwups in the past. I hope the NFL doesn't come down too hard on me.
So Derrick, good luck and if you think you can fill our need at wide receiver, give me a call. Just don't let me give YOU a call."
Soon after, a noted manager with a number 13 on his back would take the dais.
"Derrick, you are one f******* unbelievable kid. I just can't believe the f****** things you do on the court.
Hey buddy, thanks for taking the heat off our club. We've scored three or fewer runs in 13 of our last 14 games. We just went 3-8 on a road trip and one win came only because Brent Lillibridge made two incredible catches. We still have a nasty schedule ahead of us and the only thing that has gone right for us this year is the Twins have been just as bad as we have been.
Sorry Derrick, I have to cut this short because MLB officials are calling me. I'll put the rest of my tribute on my f****** Twitter account."
Soon after, a certain Cubs pitcher with Canadian roots would appear after making a quick flight into town from Arizona.
"Derrick, I'm more of a hockey guy, but you are tremendous at what you do. Good luck against the Thrashers, I mean the Hawks.
By the way, thanks for taking the heat off me. I know I only pitched a third of an inning last night which was the shortest outing of my career as I gave up seven runs and my ERA has now skyrocketed to 9.58. I speak on behalf of my fellow starters Carlos Zambrano and Matt Garza who haven't been reminding anyone of the Braves of the 1990s lately.
OK, Derrick got to run, may you stand on your head the rest of the way and go Canucks, I mean Bulls!"
Finally, some 'Hawks players would round out the speakers.
"Hey Derrick, you've got a chance to do this year what we did last year. Getting that championship was a great feeling that we celebrated and celebrated and celebrated. Now almost a year later we have a much longer offseason to think about how much we partied. Word of advice, too much fun can lead to inconsistent play. Trust us you don't want to do that.
So thanks again for taking the heat off us and enjoy the post season. If you get a title, we will share some secrets on how to have some fun with it."
The 'Hawks representatives would finish up, "We can stay all night if you need us to. We're experienced at that and the Canucks gave us a long off season."
At that point the ceremony would conclude with Rose preparing to take on Joe Johnson and Al Horford with the rest of Chicago's teams hoping he and the Bulls keep themselves at the front of everyone's attention for a long time.
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Daniel I. Dorfman is a local freelance writer who has written and reported for the New York Times, Philadelphia Inquirer and the Boston Globe among many other nationally prominent broadcast, online and print media organizations. He is also a researcher for 670 The Score. You can follow him on Twitter @DanDorfman To read more of Daniel's blogs click here.
