Baffoe: Biggest Issue To Emerge From Bears' Win? Jimmy Clausen's Mustache
By Tim Baffoe--
(CBS) The Chicago Bears' victory on the road against the St. Louis Rams on Sunday was shocking on multiple levels.
Nobody expected the Rams defense to go fetal early and often. The 37 points from the Bears was fairly stunning against a team that entered the game was only giving up 18.2 per game. Jay Cutler finished with a passer rating of 151 — the highest of his career — after holding a perfect 158.3 at halftime.
Rookie running back Jeremy Langford encored his 142-total yard performance the week before with 182 and two scores, leading the Bears in rushing and receiving on the day while making Matt Forte's absence (and future with the franchise) hardly worth missing. The Bears' patchwork defense once again looked competent and at times suffocating. Rookie of the Year front-runner Todd Gurley had only 45 yards rushing, and the Rams didn't crack 100 yards on the ground the whole day.
And tight end Zach Miller is Chicago's new white folk hero.
But none of those game wrap items was most glaring. In fact, I have yet to see any of the cowards in Chicago media broach the most pressing topic to emerge from Sunday like a fuzzy caterpillar-turned-magnificent butterfly.
What the hell is up with backup quarterback Jimmy Clausen's mustache?
You'll hear about how the Bears are being investigated for alleged nefariousness regarding not updating an injury report prior to the game. Forte and linebacker Pernell McPhee didn't make the trip to St. Louis, but the media wasn't aware until shortly before kickoff.
From Tribune beat writer and 670 The Score contributor Brad Biggs:
A Rams official confirmed the Bears alerted them on Saturday that Forte and McPhee would not play and the team also informed the league office. That, however, did not completely satisfy the NFL's rules involving the injury report in order to "maintain the integrity of the game." An NFL official said the league planned to investigate the matter.
No mention of the Jimmystache we weren't prepared for, though. Where's that investigation?
Now, I'm not credentialed due to a combination of CBS lawyers' assessment of risk/reward and Chicago sports teams fearing that I'm just too damn real for their players and coaches, but if I had the opportunity to press coach John Fox about his backup quarterback soup strainer, he'd respond with something to the effect of ...
"Well, ya know, a lot of players have a lot of mustaches. Right now we're treating Jimmy's as day-to-day. There's a process to the whole thing, and we'll monitor it and discuss it the progress he makes with it as needed. But at the moment we're not overly concerned."
It's possible this is a Movember thing, where men grow flavor savors for the month of November to raise awareness of men's health issues. Cutler has been an open supporter of that movement in the past. His wife, Kristin Cavallari, shared a postgame photo of Jay's man-lip after the Bears defeated the Minnesota Vikings almost a year ago to the day.
Clausen had himself some semblance of a stache at the time, too, but not as pornographically sophisticated as this year's model.
In 2015, though, Cutler is stache-less, opting instead for the 96-hour shadow that says, "I'm chill, but I also know I'm better than you and can pull this off." But Clausen's back with a vengeance, and after been long known for questionable hair choices, it looks like the former stache student has become the mustache master.
I'm no rumormonger, but I have to wonder if there's shady intent on Clausen's part here? Cutler is playing like the quarterback who Bears fans have begged for since he was acquired in 2009. Trying to move in on Cutler's unvaccinated squeeze?
Perhaps it's simply some pandering Ditka-Wannstedt-sahsidge homage. Perhaps its roots run deeper.
Or maybe this fuller facial hair, this Just for Men chestnutted masterpiece means that Clausen is a little too ready for the camera, if you know what I mean. As though he might have to be in front of it a lot more often. Like if something … unfortunate… were to happen to the current starting quarterback.
Eyes are always on the throne, you know. Rogue blocking sleds into an Achilles or a particularly slippery spot in front of a locker happen sometimes. Clausen's a free agent at season's end. Résumés need building. I'm not saying, I'm just saying.
While we should all appreciate a good mustache like Clausen's, it certainly isn't worth derailing what has turned into a positive season for the Bears. To let the issue go unmolested by the media can only serve to allow potential controversy to grow into an untamed hipster mess of a situation.
Tweet and email your favorite beat writers. Demand that they press Clausen, Fox, Cutler and any other Bears personnel about an uncomfortable topic. It could just be an act of charity.
Or the entire season could hinge on these potential handlebars.
Tim Baffoe is a columnist for CBSChicago.com. Follow Tim on Twitter @TimBaffoe. The views expressed on this page are those of the author, not CBS Local Chicago or our affiliated television and radio stations.
