After losing her stillborn baby, a Chicago woman channels her grief in writing
CHICAGO (CBS) -- October is coming in fast and for many that means pumpkins, corn mazes and costumes.
For others, it's a special time known as Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month.
Every year, about 24,000 babies are born stillborn in the U.S., according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
Even more women experience miscarriages.
Morning Insider Lauren Victory shares ways to remember those little lives lost.
"'Dear Mommy, you are not to blame for my loss,"' reads Artis Granville from her book. The letter is from a baby's perspective. "I know you had so many things planned for me…"
The heartfelt words were born from a heartbreaking experience. Her son Aidan arrived unexpectedly at 21.5 weeks.
"He was gone. He was already gone. And I was just looking like, I just couldn't believe it. I just planned my baby shower," said Granville.
Nurses handed the mom in mourning a teddy bear and she left the hospital with a small memory box filled with Aidan's hospital gown, hat, diaper and other teeny mementos. Granville keeps his ashes in an urn that she displays in her living room.
"I couldn't sleep at night. I sat up nights, I just cried. And something came to me and I said, 'You know what? You have to do something,'" she said.
So Granville started to write. She recollected different moments of her pregnancy. She penned poetry and she posed questions. All went into what would become a grief journal that she decided to share with others. The books contain plenty of blank pages for others to express their emotions. Some Chicago hospitals already purchased copies to hand out to families experiencing losses similar to Granville's.
The Chicago mother specifically tailored a version of her book for mommies and another version for daddies.
"You [fathers] deserve a moment, too. Dads need to cry. They need to heal," she said.
The volunteers at M.E.N.D. couldn't agree more. Their acronym stands for "Mommies Enduring Neonatal Death" but fathers, grandmas, friends and others are welcome at their monthly get-togethers.
"We meet out in Schaumburg," said Sara Hintz, M.E.N.D. chapter director for the Chicago area. "Being with other people that understand those feelings, and feel them too, allows you to feel more normal."
Bonding and healing activities by M.E.N.D. including a balloon release in October for Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month (this year's will happen October 4 before the 7pm meeting at St. Peter's Lutheran Church in Schaumburg). In November, the group hangs ornaments for babies lost during pregnancies at the Brookfield Zoo.
If in-person sharing is not comfortable, places like University of Chicago Medicine offer virtual support groups for free.
"I hope that people will find a way to positively channel their grief," said Granville who also writes a blog called "Because of Aidan."
Several organizations in Illinois and Indiana offer support for people who've lost a child during pregnancy. You can find a comprehensive list here and here.
