The Tough Money Conversations: Talking With Your Elderly Parents About Their Money
BOSTON (CBS) - I just finished reviewing a book, Protecting Your Parents' Money by Jeff Opdyke. In chapter two, titled The Talk, he believes you should not beat around the bush. Just come out and say, "Mom, Dad, I want to talk with you about your money, now."
That may work, and then it may backfire terribly. I like the backdoor method. Gently ease into the conversation if you can. Or if there is an opportunity for a segue into talking about their money, take it.
If your parents live far away, do not expect to visit for a long weekend and get everything resolved. Once you start the process it could years to reach the point where your parents are comfortable discussing money with you.
Getting things in order for them will take fortitude on your part but the end results are worth it. A word of caution - remember this process will only work if your parents want your help. Forcing your help on them is counterproductive. Give the process time. Your parents will eventually be grateful for the help.
Ask them if something should happen to them who would they like to handle their finances? Ask them what you can do to help them maintain their independence.
Ask your parents if they have some concerns about outliving their money. Do they have health care concerns? Are they concerned about living alone? Do they think they could remain in their own home? Are they concerned about going to a nursing home? All open-ended questions.
Explain to them you wish to lay the groundwork now before something does happen. As this process goes on, hopefully they will realize that if they are ever in a position where they will need your help you'll know where to begin.
Be sensitive to their concerns and to the fact that they are slowly losing control over their lives and try to understand the anger and frustration that accompanies this loss of control. This process will truly be a lesson in patience.
Talk about the general benefits such as knowing where things are, understanding their estate planning documents and their wishes and the comfort level you will have knowing things are in order if something should happen.
As you work through this process, remember someday you may be in their shoes. And think about this; someday your kids may be having these very same conversations with you!
