NFL Releases Weirdest, Most Uncomfortable Video In The History Of Sports
By Michael Hurley, CBS Boston
BOSTON (CBS) -- The NFL never fails to find new ways to surprise you.
It could be a full-fledged scandal over inflated footballs. It could be a referee flipping a coin but not making it flip. It could be a catch in Green Bay that somehow became something that was not a catch. It could be anything, really.
And now, today, on the first of February in the year 2016, we have ... well, we have this.
(Credit/blame for unearthing this one goes to SB Nation who managed to fit "touching-butts-and-stuff" into the URL somehow and for some reason.)
This is a video which features Super Bowl babies. Never heard of Super Bowl babies before? Well, that's because nobody's ever heard of Super Bowl babies before. Because the concept of Super Bowl babies is kind of weird on its surface and becomes EXTREMELY weird when it involves the Super Bowl babies singing about how they came to be Super Bowl babies.
Yet, that's what we've got here. Little kids -- and in other less-weird-but-still-very-weird instances, adults -- using the power of song to talk about the time a man on the television scored a touchdown, thereby prompting Mommy and Daddy to feel a little bit more amorous that fateful February evening, thus resulting in ... Super Bowl babies.
Just to be clear, this was not a one-off idea that was thrown out onto the Internet in the form of a thoughtless tweet. This was a professionally produced, professionally recorded bit of work.
Not only was this idea thrown around in a conference room inside 345 Park Avenue; it was given a thumbs up by people in charge.
Not only did the NFL likely put out a casting call for singing children who have birthdays in October of specific years; the NFL put out such casting calls in eight different cities ... and then flew all of those people to be together for a grand shot.
Not only did the NFL send cameras to remote locations to film the kids; the NFL sent cranes to really capture the heartland of America.
Not only did the NFL record all of these kids and adults singing this disturbing song; the NFL HIRED SEAL TO SING "OOH!" WHILE STANDING NEAR THE GOLDEN GATE BRIDGE.
A man (or a woman, or a team of men and women) walked into a room and said, "I've got this great idea. We get a bunch of kids to talk about their parents conceiving them, and they sing to the tune of this very hip and popular song by Seal, who is a very relevant star at this point in time. It will cost us a ton of money and require an incredible amount of time and the end result will be something that is totally normal!"
And someone else -- or even worse, a team of people -- said "Yes. This is an excellent idea."
This is, beyond a doubt, the single weirdest ad campaign of all time ... especially because it's not even an ad campaign. It's not selling anything except for weirdness.
ESPN's Darren Rovell spent time reporting on this video, and he said a shorter version will air during the Super Bowl, and that it's part of the NFL's "Football is Family" campaign. Because nothing says "family" quite like coerced sexual education lessons for 7-year-old kids from New York City.
It's also poorly written. If you're going to make kids sing a song about Mom and Dad getting hot and heavy, could you do better than this?
"When there were no more jalapenos, chili, bacon, chicken wings, Mommy and Dad, they cuddled, canoodled all night."
What?
And why is this video THREE MINUTES long? That is three minutes too many. This video should be zero seconds long.
What the heck.
No.
No, no, no.
Why?
No.
You can email Michael Hurley or find him on Twitter @michaelFhurley.
The full lyrics are below:
What makes the Super Bowl so super, a day we adore
It is a day so super it's why we were born
In the end, when our team won,
Mom and Dad looked at each other, one thing led to another that night
We're all babies!
It all happened on the night that a Super Bowl was played
Ooh, that's why we're here singing this sweet serenade
And now Super Bowl 50 is here, so much reason for cheer, tonight
Ever since we were in diapers we've watched every game
Cheering so loud, we goo-goo'd we gah-gah'd we wahh'd!
Baby, we were all just little twinkles twinkling in our daddy's eyes till that Super Bowl Sunday night
When at last nine months had passed, they welcomed to the world us newborn baby boys and girls
We're all babies!
It all happened on the night that a Super Bowl was played
Ooh, a day when history and our families were made
And now Super Bowl 50 is here, so much reason for cheer, tonight
We're all Super Bowl babies
Oh yeah, we're all Super Bowl babies
Oh yeah!
When there were no more jalapeno-chili-bacon chicken wings,
Mommy and Dad, they cuddled, canoodled all night
Baby, on that night our moms and dads were so filled with desire
And here we stand, a baby choir
We're all babies!
It all happened on the night that a Super Bowl was played
Ooh, that's why we're here singing this sweet serenade
And now Super Bowl 50 is here, so much reason for cheer, tonight
Now Super Bowl 50 is here
So much reason for cheer tonight
