Iraq War veteran, wife share powerful story of healing, giving back through DAV
BOSTON - Mike Valila expected to spend his professional life in the military. As an Army Specialist with the 1166th Combat Heavy Equipment Transport, he deployed to Iraq during Operation Iraqi Freedom in January of 2010-the day after his daughter Lily's first birthday. By year's end, he was also instrumental in Operation New Dawn, the U.S. withdrawal from Iraq.
Mike drove an enormous tank-transporting vehicle (at all hours of the day and night), served proudly and experienced a great deal of loss. In one stunningly painful week, a friend back home died of suicide, his beloved Uncle Marty (a Vietnam veteran) passed away and another friend was killed in an explosion in Afghanistan. He wore that friend's bracelet until it broke. Now it is saved among Mike's treasures in a box he shared with WBZ's Lisa Hughes. "I've had my own personal highs and lows."
The "lows" started shortly after Mike's return home on Christmas Eve 2010. Kayla Valila, Mike's wife remembers the excitement of finding out that the troops would be home in time for Christmas. "We got everybody together to decorate the gym and welcome them home with banners."
When the servicemen and women disembarked from the bus, at the 1166th in Worcester, a crush of joyous family members cheered with relief. After all, they were safe and home. But what it took to get them home on that auspicious occasion was a truncated demobilization-the period of readjustment that members of the military receive upon returning from a tour of duty. Mike explained that a normal demobilization is four-to-six weeks. He and the other troops returning that Christmas Eve had been given just one week.
It was a rapid-fire re-entry that was both exciting and unsettling. "You're excited to be home," he said. "But you still weren't transitioned to being overseas."
In the days, weeks, and months that followed, Mike was constantly on guard. He was anxious and often felt that he had to be with "his guys"; fellow soldiers with whom he served. Sadly, for Kayla and Lily, his absence became the norm. "Sadly, honestly, we just got used to that. Dad's just not here," Kayla remembers.
For two years, the effects of Mike's depression, PTSD and Traumatic Brain Injury hung over them like an invisible weight. Kayla remembers a feeling of treading water. Looking back on it, Mike has the clarity to see how different he was. "I was lost. Truly."
Family members (including Kayla), friends, staff at the housing complex-they all told Mike that they were seeing a change in him. At first, he brushed it off, insistent that he was fine. He didn't need to talk to anyone. At one point he told Kayla, "I didn't change. You changed. It's been a year apart. This is who I am now."
But he knew that it wasn't who he wanted to be. He wanted to be a good husband and father. He wanted to be healthy and of service. About two years after returning home-with support from other veterans, Mike agreed to get help. That step made all the difference. "I kinda smartened up," Mike says smiling, "I'm supposed to be home for my family. That's what counts. Once I started taking more time at home, I had time to focus on myself more too-which we often forget to do. I had to dig into-what are my core values? What do I want my kids to see as a father figure? That gave me purpose."
Kayla recalls a long two-year struggle. But she is grateful to the people who helped them and the support they received from organizations like the DAV.
As Mike began to heal, his relationships improved. He began participating in a peer-to-peer support group for veterans. He also began helping vets who needed assistance navigating claims and benefits. A former national DAV Commander introduced Mike to more of the DAV's offerings including a whole network of military families.
Mike, who volunteers with a number of veterans organizations, felt at home in the DAV. "It gives you the camaraderie back that you lose when you leave service. Now you're in an organization that's all fellow veterans... and different eras of veterans. Being able to give back is huge!"
He says he talks to veterans every day who appreciate the support. "You don't want to see somebody struggle, especially if it's as easy as letting them know how they can navigate the process. And then they can be on better standing. The work that the DAV does, in helping people establish benefits, is life-changing for them and their family."
Mike and Kayla now spend a lot of time "giving back." They both work for the DAV Department of Massachusetts.
Mike, who has served as a DAV National Service Officer is now the Assistant Adjutant. Kayla, who has helped countless young people and families over the year (and now serves as DAV Commander of the State Auxiliary) is now DAV Housing Director.
She is in charge of the very program in Gardner where she and Mike lived during his treatment. She is also coordinating the latest DAV housing project in Gardner. Later this month, the first veteran will move into a historic home in Leominster that workers and volunteers have been restoring for months.
Mike and Kayla live and breathe the DAV and love that it has become a family affair. Lily, now a teenager, and her little sister Alison enjoy participating in volunteer efforts with their parents. Mike says, "It's just what we do. And the kids jump on board with it!"
Their goal is to continue helping other veterans and their families. They know how much it means to receive support from people who understand your struggles. Looking back on how far they have come, Kayla exudes gratitude. "If I'm honest, I didn't know if he'd be here... to see how far we've come and where we're going ... it's a really great feeling!"
To contribute to the Disabled American Veterans Department of Massachusetts, go to davma.org
