Heckling Tiger Will Not Be Tolerated
Tiger Woods spoke to the world and the world listened. We all stood still when the world's number one golfer and philanderer read his twenty minute prepared statement of apology. TV stations broke into local programing, ESPN went live with the coverage, hell even the stock market fell a few points when Tiger spoke. But don't panic. It recovered. First it was the final episode of MASH with the most amount of viewers, then OJ, then this years Superbowl and now Tigers apology. We all know the time frame, Mike Douglas at three, broke 80 at age 8, the youngest US junior amateur at 15, won his first major, the Masters with a record 12 stroke victory and on and on and on. Now a new chapter in Tigers life is about to unfold, his climb back to the top of golf and back into our hearts. His journey to the top is nothing short of miraculous and his fall from grace is nothing short of legendary. I'm not here to be one of the many who judge him and his life, lord knows my closet has so many skeletons inside it you'd think it was a crypt from the dark ages. Don't worry Mr. Finchum I agree with you we're all human, we all make mistakes and I'm sure your prodigal son will soon bring back your ratings and your title of PGA commissioner will be secure once the revenues return. Here's where I get to speak my mind, do what you want Tiger, do who you want because after all like your Mom said, "you broke no laws" and you didn't kill anyone. Although you certainly did break the heart of that Perkins waitress by giving her false hope that she had anything more to offer other than the BIG breakfast combo for $2.99, wow that was certainly one you'd like to take back huh?
My problem isn't with Tiger Woods at all really, I've hated Tiger since his first outburst and profanity followed by his latest club tossing at the Australian Maters, which by the way hit a fan in the gallery and they never got as much as an, "I'm sorry". You see I've been a golfer since I was 15, I took many lessons, played on some of the most sacred golf courses including Saint Andrews, Muirfield and even hit a 3 wood into the North Sea at Royal Dornoch. No, I respect what Tiger can do with a golf ball in fact it amazes me to watch him especially when he's annihilating the field with such ease. Grant it I watch him with the sound down and the radio on, usually Dan O'Brien on Mix doing acoustic Sundays. My problem, other than some of that crap Dan plays is with Tiger's caddie Steve Williams. You see, Steve just came out and said, "Heckling will not be tolerated". In the words of Jim Carrey, "Reeeeeeaaaaallllllllyyyyyy". Well Steve I've got news from you, you can take your heckling, tee it up nice and high watch me smack it with a three wood right up your fairway.
I also like going to golf tournament, I love the walk around the grounds while having a beverage or two and watching the worlds greatest make shots I can only dream of but if you don't think I may or may not hurl a boo in the general direction of Tiger Woods then you are sorely mistaken. Is it okay Steve to scream, "You the man" or "in the hole" instead? Of course it is because todays golf fan is a more vocal one. Are you telling me when I'm rooting for one guy and throwing a light boo or a little hiss towards another that's not just part of being a spectator? Maybe in football or baseball or basketball or ANY other sport you can boo one team and cheer the other but not golf because it's a gentleman's sport. Well Steve and everyone else for that matter who won't appreciate my approach I hate to break this to you but Tiger Woods is about a far from a gentleman as I am a sports guy but I'm not judging. Now I'm not saying I'll be there on the tee screaming like I was being paid by Shooter McGavin but if I give my money to the PGA and feel like expressing my opinions about one player then guess what, the heckles will be a coming.
Okay maybe I'll just cheer harder for the poor sap Tiger's paired with even if he's 25 strokes down but I can assure you in my own subtle way I will not only root against Tiger, his comeback, his future, his continued use of the Lords name in vain on national TV but I'll boycott any product he endorses just because I can. I've already sold my TAG watch on Ebay and traded my Buick for a Honda. So Steve, you may not tolerate heckling but I don't tolerate some of the gentleman that seem to be making up todays PGA. So you concentrate on keeping your golfer on the leader board and I'll worry about my heckling which may just include a hiss under my breath that the microphones won't pick up like Tigers cursing and maybe a few more of my opinions. After all Steve, I had to listen to endless news stories about Tiger, then endless dribble about his affairs and then he interrupted my vacation in Paris with his much hyped apology. So when Tiger woods affects my life, my vacation and my stocks then I may have a little say about Tiger the professional athlete who I paid money to see. Good luck Steve, tell Tiger to hit 'em straight and yes, that's me in the gallery wearing the "Tiger Woods, sinking putts and doing sluts" t-shirt. So do you want to come over and tell me to stop my heckling because if you do then I'll just see you in the parking lot Shooter, I mean Steve.
