Ray Rice talks about past, present and future in exclusive interview with Denise Koch
BALTIMORE -- Ray Rice is a three-time NFL Pro Bowler and played six seasons with the Ravens including the 2012 Super Bowl. His career was cut short when shocking video was released showing him knocking unconscious his now-wife Janay, and dragging her from an Atlantic City elevator.
Nearly 10 years later, Ray, Janay and their two children have moved back to Baltimore. Ray says he's done extensive work to understand what happened, change, and get a second chance at building his life.
Are you ready to give him the same? See Denise Koch's conversation with Ray and decide.
Ray doesn't like to call himself a motivational speaker but he does share his story with other NFL teams, college teams and young people, and his daughter, Rayven, often accompanies him.
Ray: "I only got the chance to play for one organization and I'm thankful for that. I got punished for something that I did terribly wrong. That's what's gonna happen in life. That's what's supposed to happen."
Denise: "What kind of work have you done in the last ten years in order to come to this place?"
Ray: "I've done intensive counseling. I've had therapists that I continue to work with. When you're healing from something - I'm talking about childhood now - when you're healing from something you need to put that pain somewhere."
"I was taking care of my household since I was eleven years old. so, when they say you 'live life in reverse,' I was a man at eleven and a boy at 21."
Denise: "What do you mean?"
Ray: "When I was 21 and got drafted I literally went back and over-compensated for everything I did not have from when I was growing up. I was told I was the man of the house and a man is not supposed to cry. A man is not supposed to feel. His job is to pay bills and provide and go out there."
Denise: "Is a man supposed to hit?"
Ray: "No, and that's where it becomes problematic. When you are told things, you grow up in it, you witness things and you see it then it becomes you without you even knowing it."
"I believe there are two types of people, right, as a man. You get to be 'the man' and you get to be 'a man'. You can only be 'the man' for a moment. Over my career, through high school, I was 'the man' but you get to make a conscious choice to be 'a man' for a lifetime."
Denise: "Using your analogy, which is a good one, you were 'the man' in that elevator?"
Ray: "Too prideful. 'The man,' better yet, to put a real word out there, 'a punk man' and there's other words I could use for myself at that moment."
That moment was lived out publicly over and over as Ray was let go by the Ravens, suspended by the NFL, then re-instated. Ray and Janay, who met when they were 15, married soon after.
Denise: "She said this was the only time it happened between you...and that's the truth?"
Ray: "That's 100 percent the truth. Like I said, when you mention the world of domestic violence -- had we ever had words, a disagreement, yes."
"I don't like to use the term, 'the worst thing that ever happened to me was the best thing that happened to me' because of the severity of domestic violence. The survivors of domestic violence - they don't want to hear that. and I'm very remorseful to that and I don't want anyone to experience that part of it. But, what I will say is I'm thankful to be in the space that I'm in now."
"I'm saying I put in the work to make sure that not only my life is different going forward but my kids' lives."
It's very clear that Ray's two children, his family, are the very center of his life. He coaches his son Jayln's football team. Janay is team mother. Their daughter Rayven was in his arms the night of the Super Bowl win.
Rayven is almost 12. There is no way those children were not going to see the video of their parents in that elevator, and Ray says they've already talked about it as a family.
Ray: "I know my kids aren't going to go out there and say, what I did was right. I know that they'll understand that what I did was horrible. But I'm a better human being than what I put out there then."
Denise: "Do you feel forgiven?"
Ray: "I feel forgiven within. I feel very forgiven within. I lost a game that made me very noticeable. That doesn't overshadow what happened. I didn't lose my life. I didn't lose my family."
Ray says he isn't dwelling on what he might have lost as a consequence of his actions, and now cares more about being the best father and husband he can.
Ray: "I conquered football. I don't need a Hall of Fame jacket. I don't need none of the accolades. I don't need to be voted into nothing. All I know is I conquered football. Another yard, another stat, another fantasy point would not have been good for me.
"I conquered football. They can have the money. I have my life, and I have my sanity. I'd rather be a Hall of Fame dad, a Hall of Fame husband, in my own little box."
Ray still visits 'The Castle,' the Ravens' headquarters in Owings Mills, where he counts many friends. At practice last month he was caught surrounded by kids. He knows how he might be perceived, but wants people to get the whole picture.
Ray: "If a kid comes up to me and I hear a parent in the back saying, you know who that is. That's Ray Rice. I know that there's a further conversation that has to be had."
"I don't know the conversation that was had, but if I had to guess I would say, 'That's Ray Rice. He was a three-time pro bowler, and Super Bowl champ, played for us, and his career got cut short because he did a very bad thing. No excuses. But what he's done since then, he's tried to make himself a better person. He never put fault on anyone. He never blamed anyone and he's still out there helping people today.'"
Watch: Behind the Lens with Denise Koch
