Top 5 Reasons Why World Cup Rules Make My Brain Hurt
5. Counting Down or Counting Up?
Certainly you've noticed by now that soccer games are timed in the wrong direction. Too much more of this World Cup excitement and we might find ourselves timing everything backwards! A 'count down' is certainly better than a 'count up,' right? Try setting your kitchen timer to count UP to bake cookies. It doesn't work! The entire appliance industry would have to be re-worked. How would NASA launch their next rocket? Would the traditional "3 - 2 - 1 - BLASTOFF" be replaced by an official who arbitrarily adds time to the clock then screams "OK GO!"? The stress on Neil Armstrong would have been tremendous. Don't even get me started on the affect this would have on New Year's Eve!
4. Stoppage Time
In sports like the NBA or NFL, wins and losses are sometimes decided by tenths of seconds. Not so much in the soccer world. His holiness the referee appears to have the ability to grant the gift of time at the end of a match. Sure, I am a soccer novice, but it seems to me to that makes planning a good strategy pretty tough. Applied to daily life, this could be pretty tricky too. I'm not so sure kids would enjoy an announcement at 2:45 that says, "This is the principal... we'll be ending school at 4:45 today!" Wait... I take that back, lawyers have already mastered this technique.
3. The Tie
OK... I get it... but really? If the objective of a game - oh sorry - 'match' is to win or lose, then why have a tie? Not to mention that it's usually a Zero Zero tie! Perhaps if the soccer field wasn't three miles long, there would be more than 3 points scored in an entire season!
2. Did I Mention The Size Of The Field?
I know, it's called a 'pitch' but it looks like field to me. I get winded walking into Walmart to get a loaf of bread (they've moved it to the back of the store now, have you noticed that? Ugh!). It makes me tired watching these guys running around on a field with room enough to land a small plane! I suppose, 'to each his own' but - at the very least - it affects my self-esteem. Yes, I could be healthier.
1. Understanding This Is 'Hard Work'
My wife compares it to understanding how the remote control works. Some people just get it. After three games, I finally think I understand the game (Ugh... did it again...) I mean the 'match.' Ok, so I was late to the party. I finally got interested and now the U.S. is out! I even cobbled together a TV in the office so we could follow the action as it happened. I started to pay attention when the match went into - what could be loosely described as - 'overtime'. It was pretty exciting! Perhaps next year I will have a better understanding when this all begins again, right?!? Not so fast! I have to wait four years? Great, I'm already using that brain space for the Olympics - summer and winter!
At least the World Cup has helped me with one thing. I now understand why my wife has such a battle with the remote. I have to go now... she's is on the phone and can't the TV unmuted for "The Talk."
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