Her story of child sex abuse toppled one of the nation's most popular pastors. She shares what it took to find her voice.
NORTH TEXAS – The woman who publicly accused Gateway Church pastor Robert Morris of sexually assaulting her when she was a child has opened up to CBS News Texas about her story.
Cindy Clemishire has found a new sense of peace.
"Having the truth be heard," she said. "It's changed the way I feel about myself."
It's been seven weeks since her story of being molested as a child first appeared in print.
Within days, Robert Morris, the pastor of one of the country's largest megachurches would resign, and Gateway Church in Southlake would pledge to investigate what he called "inappropriate sexual behavior with a young lady."
Clemishire describes it differently.
"I call it child sexual abuse," said Clemishire.
It began, she says, on Christmas night in 1982.
She was 12, and Morris, she says, asked her to come to his room.
"I didn't understand what was going on," said Clemishire.
Morris, at the time, was a traveling preacher who, with his wife and children, would often stay with her family.
Over the next four and a half years, she says, he molested her at least 100 times, until the day a family friend, worried about a similar incident with another man, posed a question.
"She said, 'Has anyone else ever done this to you?' And, I just looked at her and didn't say anything," said Clemishire. "I said 'I can't. I promised I'd never tell anyone,'" she recalled. "We sat down on the floor, and she held my hands. And, I closed my hands, and I said his name. She said, 'We have to go tell your parents right now.'"
Her parents' close relationship with the Morris family abruptly ended, and, for Clemishire, it seemed like everything changed.
"I felt like it ruined everything in my life to tell," she said. "My Dad, of course, was grieving, which as a 17-year-old made me feel like he was angry with me, but he was really angry with himself.
Over the next two decades, Clemishire said she shared what happened to her with close friends and counselors. She remembers one in particular.
"I couldn't understand why she called it abuse. I said, 'he's not been mean, he wasn't aggressive…' He was very playful or… um, seductive, I guess. That's the word Oprah used."
In 2005, Oprah Winfrey, a rape victim herself, began a campaign to raise public awareness of how child molesters groom their victims.
"Because it's a seduction, I think it should be called child seduction and assault," explained Winfrey during a segment.
"I sat there in shock," said Clemishire.
She was watching, and suddenly she said, she understood what happened to her.
"I emailed him after I saw the Oprah show," said Clemishire. "I was very angry – and rightfully so!"
E-mails provided by Clemishire's attorney show she wrote Morris, "I have suffered almost my entire life from the emotional damage you inflicted on me…. You have had almost no consequences."
A little over a year later, an attorney writing on her behalf reached out to "demand damages for harm caused" to her by Morris "sexually assaulting" her.
Morris' attorney responded, "It was your client who initiated inappropriate behavior by coming into my client's bedroom and getting in bed with him" and accused her of wanting "$2 million to avoid publicizing their inappropriate conduct."
Clemishire denies she ever requested or received money for her silence.
"I was so mortified because I knew I hadn't pursued anything, but I also knew if we proceeded with anything in court they would say those things about me. I was 35… I was pregnant. I had a son that was 2. I had a son that was 15," said Clemishire. "To think all that would be out there for public information. I was not in any way prepared for that public humiliation."
It was her children, though, who would help change her mind. Her son, she says, nearly became a victim himself.
"There was a dad at his school that was grooming and I caught it and stopped the communication. He was privately messaging him, asking for pictures," she said.
She understood what was happening, she said, because of her own experience.
"I don't know that I would have been aware (otherwise), and I think that's a big part of why I am okay sharing now," she said.
Earlier this year, a mutual friend urged Clemishire to reach out to the editor of the Wartburg Watch, Dee Parsons.
"I'm an example of what happens when a church screws up a sex abuse situation," said Parsons.
Motivated by what she considers her own former church's mishandling of abuse, Parsons began writing about the issue 15 years ago.
"My whole world kind of tipped upside down, so I started a blog," she said. "My husband said, I kicked over a hornet's nest. People started writing me and telling their stories."
Since then, Parsons said, she's interviewed hundreds of survivors and confronted churches with allegations.
"I don't like having to call a church and say 'Your pastor is an abuser'. That is not it," she said. "I always start off by saying, 'I'm a committed Christian.' And then people spend a lot of time telling me why I'm not a Christian because I'm doing what I'm doing."
Her friend warned her Clemishire might be calling.
"He said, 'You know, it's about Robert Morris, so you better buckle up. It could be a rough ride,'" said Parsons.
"I called her. We had about a two-and-a-half-hour conversation," said Clemishire.
"Within four minutes, I knew she was telling me the truth," said Parsons.
"She stopped me mid-sentence," said Clemishire.
"I said, 'Stop for a minute. I just want you to know that I totally believe your story. And I said I'm close to tears right now and I want you to know how sorry I am…'" said Parsons. "I just gave a damn about what happened to her as a little girl and it affects me."
Clemishire's story quickly became the most viewed ever on Parsons' blog.
"Absolutely. Absolutely. There is no question," said Parsons. "It has been overwhelming. The website has slowed down at times."
In an initial statement, Gateway Church shared a message from Morris saying he'd confessed and repented in 1987. Church elders reported he'd been "open and forthright about a moral failure he had over 35 years ago" and that he'd even spoken about his redemption from the pulpit.
They later claimed they were unaware Cindy had been 12.
"The next morning, The Christian Post reached out to me," said Clemishire.
"They just quoted me word for word… 'He put his fingers inside me,'" she said "I realized the impact it had on people… Unless you hear the details, it's easy to think it's not that bad."
News coverage grew and as word of Morris' resignation spread the messages poured in.
"The letters, emails… were very upsetting," said Parsons. "There were people within the church saying he shouldn't resign and how dare I do that to the pastor."
"I had one phone call in particular… He was very aggressive and was telling me how I was destroying a church," said Clemishire.
"At the same time, there were other letters coming, you know, 'I am sorry that this happened at our church,'" said Parsons.
"So many other victims thanking me…" said Clemishire. "Like a 90-year-old lady. Happened to her when she was 14. She thanked me for being her voice. I mean, that is life-changing to read that my story made a difference in her life after all those years."
Clemishire says finding her voice, after all these years, has given her new purpose.
"If it helps all those people, men and women that have reached out. I'm glad that I've done it."
Timeline of the accusation against pastor Morris
The allegations against Morris were first published on June 14 by The Wartburg Watch, a church watchdog blog. The Christian Post then picked up the story on June 15. In a statement to The Christian Post, Morris admitted to "inappropriate sexual behavior."
"When I was in my early twenties, I was involved in inappropriate sexual behavior with a young lady in a home where I was staying," Morris said. "It was kissing and petting and not intercourse, but it was wrong. This behavior happened on several occasions over the next few years."
Robert Morris, other elders resign from Gateway Church
On June 18, less than a week after the accusations came out, the Board of Elders at Gateway Church released a statement saying they accepted Morris' resignation and planned to conduct a thorough "review of the report of past abuse to ensure we have a complete understanding of the events."
Clemishire previously said she has mixed thoughts and feelings regarding Morris' resignation and believes she is not the only victim.
"Though I am grateful that he is no longer a pastor at Gateway, I am disappointed that the Board of Elders allowed him to resign," Clemishire wrote in an earlier statement. "He should have been terminated."
Four members of the Gateway Church Board of Elders, including Morris' son, are taking temporary leaves of absence as an outside legal team investigates the sexual abuse of a child accusations against the pastor. Morris' account of his past is now in question.