The importance of etiquette in the real and digital world
PITTSBURGH (KDKA) - Before, during, and now after the election, there have been a lot of questions about the lack of civility in the process.
The same could be said about everyday life. Where has respect for each other gone?
Look up the word etiquette in the dictionary and you'll find this: "The customary code of polite behavior in society."
Emily Post wrote the book on etiquette, and now, 100 years later, her great-great-grandchildren have brought it up to date.
The concept of etiquette is not that deep.
"They're the behavioral expectations that we have of ourselves and other people in a given situation," said Daniel Post-Senning, the Co-President of the Emily Post Institute.
In other words, it's how we respectfully react to each other, and it's there in every moment, like the first time you see someone in the morning.
"Whether it's just eye contact and a smile or a simple hello, hi, how are you doing?"
But Emily Post's great-great grandson, Daniel Post-Senning, said that casual acknowledgment speaks volumes.
"It's so important, it's so affirming and there's almost nothing better that you can do for your relationships with the people around you," he added.
Ultimately, etiquette is all about caring for others, above self.
"I do think that etiquette is a potential antidote to narcissism. It is a whole approach to social interaction. It's about prioritizing other people."
And he said doing it every day, in every way we come in contact with other people, is important whether it is in person or electronically.
So is it basic respect?
Respect, without expectation. Or as Post-Senning put it, it's consideration, respect, honesty, and caring for other people.
Do you ever see something posted on social media and think, 'I can't believe they posted that.'
It seems as if there are no rules to what you will find in the cyber world, but it turns out there are rules and they've been around longer than most of us.
Social media is just the newest form of communicating with others. And it's surprising how the rules of all interactions still apply.
Social media has opened up the world and drawn us closer together.
"I think there is a certain generosity of spirit to participating online, I think that people can make and form meaningful relationships in those places," Post-Senning said.
But be sure to know the limits.
"Safe topics, potentially controversial or very personal ones can be a great guide to deciding both what to share on social media and how to share it."
If you wouldn't stand in front of a room full of strangers and say something, why would you do it on social media?
"Rule number one, think about the people. So, both think about the person that you're communicating with, but all the witnesses to that discussion," Post-Senning noted.
Post-Senning said it is very easy to get yourself overexposed.
"More than anything that we do in the digital space is both potentially permanent and potentially public."
And social media can be isolating from the people around you who enjoy your company.
"The person who's completely unavailable is always distracted. They're always buried in their phone with no attention span for anything and can't keep that cell phone security blanket out of their hand for more than 10 or 15 seconds."
Post-Senning said, in short, the word is rude, so it's important to schedule time away from your device, connect with those around you, and take interest in them.
"Consideration respect and honesty, caring about other people, that's fundamental to what we are and what we do as people and that will always be with us."
Those who are deep inside their social media world need to deprogram and dehabituate. It's a matter of showing respect and caring for those near you.
So, the Emily Post etiquette people were about table manners and opening doors for others?
Well, they are, and you'll find that in the 100th-anniversary edition of the book of etiquette, but mostly it's about getting out of yourself and reconnecting with others through your words and actions.