Wisdom of Thrones
With two episodes of Season 5 behind us now, choice quotes are flying out of Westeros faster than the Kingsguard on horseback.
Take this nugget, for example, uttered through gritted teeth by Arya Stark in Episode 2.
So, you'd better think twice next time you try to steal an animal carcass from her.
On expectations...
This piece of wisdom, dispensed by Lord Varys in Season 5, Episode 1, isn't too shabby either.
In fact, the Spider has been on a roll this season; nearly everything out of his mouth worthy of being mounted on an inspirational poster. Well, maybe not an inspirational poster, but some kind of poster.
On integrity...
Everyone's favorite "bastard of the North," Jon Snow, delivered this bit of good judgment in Season 5, Episode 2, after turning down Stannis Baratheon's tempting offer to legitimize his title.
On identity...
This unsettling advice comes to you courtesy of the House of Black and White ... whatever that is.
On people...
Just when you thought Stannis and Selyse Baratheon couldn't be any crueler to their daughter, Selyse spits this cutting remark at the little deformed girl in Season 5, Episode 2.
What? It's not enough to keep her locked away in a dark room all the time? You have to insult her for reading now too?
On emotion...
In Season 5, Episode 1, Daenerys Targaryen proves that -- once again -- she's got it all under control.
Yes, she knows that her actions are going to piss off her enemies. And yes, that's completely intentional.
(Mother of Dragons drops the mic.)
On intention...
Seasoned villain Cersei Lannister can't even muster up a little kindness for her lover on the occasion of their father's death.
In fact, she felt it was the perfect time to call out her brother Jaime for being both a traitor and a fool.
On purpose...
Brienne of Tarth may not officially be a knight, but she certainly acts like one.
On leadership...
Stannis Baratheon discusses the intricacies of leadership in Season 5, Episode 2.
So, maybe he's not as unfeeling as his exterior (and the Red Woman) would have us believe.
On work ethic...
Lord Varys is one of the few Game of Thrones personalities not born into his title.
As such, he's in a unique position to advise this season's down-and-out Tyrion on the merits of determination and drive.
On inequality...
We can always count on Tyrion Lannister to be the snarkiest pragmatist in the kingdom, and this quote is no exception.
Uttered as a drunken retort in the first episode of Season 5, this Captain Obvious moment finds fan favorite Tyrion unimpressed by how bad things have gotten in Westeros.
On birthright...
Poor Petyr Baelish wasn't born into power. He had to gossip and backstab his way up the food chain.
So, while the rest of us can't stop cringing at Robin Arryn's pitiful swordfighting skills, Little Finger can step back and appreciate the gifts that the little boy does have.
On secrets...
Not to be outdone, Game of Thrones' gay knight, Loras Tyrell, has also been dishing out bits of wisdom this season.
Here, in Season 5, Episode 1, the Knight of Flowers informs his sister that he has no intention of being discrete about his lovers, whether she is the King's intended or not.
On heroes...
Once again, the Spider is back, spinning a web of wisdom in Game of Thrones Season 5.
See, Tyrion? Varys had to leave you in that tiny box for the whole journey to safety. You've got an important part to play.
On the throne...
Finally, the fifth season of HBO's Game of Thrones started with a bang; or rather, a flashback of Queen Regnant Cersei Lannister confronting a witch in the woods as a child.
That witch had the ability to see into Cersei's future and all the gore it would bring. There's no need for her to watch Season 5, since she already knows what happens.
The same cannot be said for us, though. So, check back next week for a new batch of quotes from the people of Westeros.