Survivors of domestic violence share breaking the life or death cycle of abuse
October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, which Congress started in 1989. The national campaign is dedicated to uplifting the needs and experiences of survivors, mourning the lives of those lost to domestic violence and celebrating the progress that's been made to end this epidemic.
CBS News Philadelphia shares the stories of survivors and offers resources to get help through "Finding The Light: Breaking The Cycle of Domestic Violence."
More than 16 million people in the U.S. suffer from intimate partner abuse per year, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Nearly every 1 in 2 women in the United States will face physical violence from an intimate partner per year, according to the CDC. Statistics show 1 in 4 men in the United States has endured severe physical violence from an intimate partner at some point in their lives.
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
National Domestic Violence Hotline: Text: "START" to 88788
National Domestic Violence Hotline: Chat live at TheHotline.org
A list of more domestic violence resources in Philadelphia, New Jersey and Delaware can be found here.
Jamie's Story:
Jamie Miller endured six years of domestic violence from her former partner. Miller today wears many hats as an MMA fighter, domestic violence advocate and mother to her daughter Celina. Jamie's experience sheds light on why many women suffering choose to stay when their partner has crippled them financially.
Miller met her partner in Cincinnati where her family lived. They met through the MMA community. She described being drawn to him through their common interest in MMA fighting and found him attractive. But she described the abuse towards her started very early in their relationship. She said he once beat her up outside of their gym.
"I grew up seeing domestic violence. And so, I guess some of that was normal for me," Miller said, "It was like, OK, well, this is what a relationship looks like."
Jamie described the physical abuse picked up when she was pregnant with their daughter and she was afraid to tell her family what was going on. At one point, a door was slammed on her.
The abuse intensified when Jamie and her partner moved to Philadelphia. She said his jealousy didn't allow her to work. She was raising their daughter at the time and had very little connection to people.
After lots of trauma and family court battles, Jamie and her daughter found help through Women Against Abuse. The organization provided two shelters and helped her get back on her feet. She is no longer with her abuser.
Miller went back to MMA fighting and competing professionally. She is a board member of Women Against Abuse.
"I mean, officially I'm an advocate now and a board member for Women Against Abuse which is an incredible accomplishment and of itself because I'm actually the first former client survivor to be considered for the board in 40 years," Miller said, "And so it's that, I mean, wow. And so a lot of my work is now just filling in the gaps and helping other people navigate their situations."
Chanda's Story:
Chanda Mobley is a domestic violence survivor, a grandmother and an advocate. Statistics show women of color are disproportionately affected. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, one in five homicide victims is killed by an intimate partner. Mobley's story illustrates how for many survivors the abuse starts young. Chanda shared how the cycle of domestic violence played a role in her life since childhood dealing with her stepfather.
"I would receive extreme verbal abuse, beatings," she described, "I was beaten naked before."
Chanda said her deepest regret to this day is remaining silent about what she was experiencing. She left home at the age of 17 and found herself in an abusive relationship.
"I think when I had enough of it with him is when I had the two black eyes, one closed eye, and I was the one to go blind in one eye," Chanda said.
She then found herself in a second abusive relationship and this involved her son.
"I met someone else, and that person nearly killed me. He started out OK," Chanda said.
Chanda described how the cycle of abuse continued to play a huge part in her life. "So, the cycle is like when you haven't really completely healed and then you repeat the cycle of attracting abusive people in your life," she said.
Chanda goes on to describe then marrying another abuser. Her then husband is how she connected with Women Against Abuse. The domestic violence organization in Philadelphia helped her find legal resources to get a divorce.
Now Chanda is an advocate with the organization and finds joy in bringing other women hope. "I know that each day or every time that I speak, I know I'm saving somebody's life," she said.
Danielle's Story:
Danielle is a domestic violence survivor who described how violence led to her drug addiction. Statistics show that survivors are six times more likely to have a substance use disorder.
Danielle shared that she met her partner at a party at her aunt's house. The couple got married and she described the abuse started when she was pregnant with her second child. Her first child is not his.
"It escalated from there, punches in the face, throwing me down the stairs, breaking things. He even drowned me in a bathtub one time in front of my son on his fifth birthday," she described.
She said she left the relationship after a fight where he left her on the side of the road.
"Drugs started to become an issue in my life when I was put in the hospital by my partner. They prescribed me pain medication. Which led me down a rabbit hole," Danielle said.
Danielle said she battled homelessness and drug addiction for several years. Finally, she found the Camden County Domestic Violence Center which helped her get housing. She was also connected with the Recovery Corps to help her achieve sobriety.
She shared this message of hope for other victims, "You can do this. You will do this. You have potential."