Radio Free Montone: Big Butts Are Big News
By John Montone, 1010 WINS
Big butts are big news.
Crime and political stories never go away. Financial scandals pop up along with new terrorists, viruses and bacteria aiming to annihilate us. And don't forget rats. This being New York City we are journalistically obligated to report on the doings of our ubiquitous rodents at least once a week. But butts…big, big butts…well, let's just say they are trending.
Not long ago Editor Maloney sent me to the David Barton Gym…ironically located on Astor…I pronounced it on the radio as ASS-tor Place where women were dragging their once tiny heinies to the Ass Blaster classes where they were working their buns with tushie trainers to get behinds like J. Lo or Nicki Minaj or might they achieve the ultimate derriere dream…the Killer Keister of Kim Kardashian.
A woman there proudly displayed her, "…round, 40-inch butt." Up from 34-inches. And she admitted, she wanted an even bigger, better booty.
And lest you think this more evidence of asinine members of the tabloid media, I direct you to an article by the staid guardians of traditional, very important journalism…the Associated Press, "Businesses Cash in as Women Chase Bigger Butts." The AP cited classes, surgical procedures and padded panties as ways in which females were achieving ravishing rumps…okay, the AP does not say, ravishing rumps, that's on me. And to keep it real the AP quoted a psychology professor specializing in "sexuality in popular culture."
And so it was that as soon as the Kim Kardashian butt shot…with oiled up buns and a cavernous crack hit the new stands and the Internet, I hit the streets of Tribeca with the photo filling the screen of my I-phone and began showing it around. Among the reactions from males of the species; Some maintenance workers said, "It's awesome…niiiice…I wouldn't toss it out of bed…I love that…" From a coffee cart guy, "It's very good…very, very good." From a bus driver, "It's sexy…something to hold onto." And from a graying elder speaking on behalf of younger more vibrant men and himself, "A lot of men love that, don't think they don't."
"Including this man?" I asked, pointing at him.
"Oh, yeah, I love it," he said…perhaps wistfully.
There were some naysayers. Women who brushed off the buns as, "Not real…and, "Too big." A guy who said he's seen Kim Kardashian's butt so often, "There's nothing interesting there." And a family man who said he wouldn't want to see his wife's behind in the newspaper and wondered what has become of the media. But…as one guy put it, "Nothing wrong with a nice rear bumper."
And that's the news.