Keidel: Bronx Bombers Are About To Bomb For The Third Straight Season
By Jason Keidel
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"Twitter is where losers go to feel important."
- Charles Barkley
Actually, the Chuckster really said "Internet" instead of "Twitter," so I took some artistic liberties.
Strolling and scrolling down the online gutter, I was called all manner of moron for asserting that the Yankees would not make the playoffs after just one game.
The problem with the Twitter troll invective -- one creative troll has been emailing/stalking me for five years, despite the fact that I never respond to him -- is the conclusion that I was basing it on one game. But I merely used opening day as an example.
Let's take a more magnified glass to the team.
Their ace, Masahiro Tanaka, is clearly hurt, and can't pitch with his normal force or endurance. That's not speculation. Just watch the man. The headline on the Yankees' website says the team is banking on his guile. Really? You dropped $155 million for his fortitude, not his fastball? Speaking of his heater, Tanaka threw just 27 fastballs out of 82 pitches --- not one of which produced a swing and miss.
Pitching coach Larry Rothschild is already calling Tanaka a "work in progress." Are those really the buzzwords you want to hear just one year into an epic contract?
The Yanks bank on euphemisms because they lack the one thing you can't mask: talent.
Their former ace, CC Sabathia -- whom they still pay ace quid -- can't break an egg with his fastball. Last year, he surrendered 58 hits and 10 homers in just 46 innings. He was paid $23 million for that. He will make another $23 million this year, $25 million next year and possibly another $25 million in 2017 -- the year he turns 36 -- assuming he can even lift his left arm.
Their potential ace, Michael Pineda, has his mail forwarded to the disabled list. He snuck out with a decent outing on Tuesday night, but it was a game the Yanks could easily have lost. If not for the Blue Jays' bullpen implosion, the Yanks are 0-2.
No doubt pinstripe devotees are drooling over the "untapped potential" of Nathan Eovaldi, who wasn't good enough for the Miami Marlins but will now, suddenly and miraculously, morph into a stud in NYC.
For all the chatter about his meteoric fastball -- and growing up in the same town as the patron saint of fastballs, Nolan Ryan -- Eovaldi posted a pedestrian 6-14 record and 4.37 ERA, in a league where the pitcher hits.
The Yankees lost the greatest closer in history, then let their greatest closer in 2014 walk. Sure, Dellin Betances has a limitless ceiling, but wouldn't he be better served as one of two high-octane, late-inning gassers?
But hey, the have Andrew Miller now. After saving Tuesday night's game, he doubled his career total (two). Nothing like a career journeyman (30-38, 4.90 ERA) to help us forget about Mariano Rivera and David Robertson.
The Yankees have no starting pitching, power or potential. A-Rod is their only accomplished slugger, and we've long learned that he hit perhaps 500 of his homers while shooting equine potions into his tan tush.
Brian McCann, one of their signature signings last year, hit a whopping .232 as their stud All-Star catcher (while making $17 million). Jacoby Ellsbury is probably their best player, but he spends half his time in the hot tub, not even worthy of a serious offer from his former employer, the hated Boston Red Sox. The Yanks paid him over $21 million to hit .271 with 16 homers, 70 RBIs and 93 strikeouts in 2014.
Carlos Beltran turns 38 in two weeks. Last year, Beltran had 94 hits and 80 strikeouts. He made $15 million last year, and will bank another $15 million this year (and next year).
Mark Teixeira turns 35 on Saturday, and entering this season he played a total of 261 games over the past three years. The former, fine first baseman will make over $23 million this year and again in 2016.
The Yankees have totaled 10 hits in two games. Sounds about right. And their infertile farm system hardly has the masses drooling over the team's future.
According to Sports Illustrated, the Yankees' payroll entering this season is nearly $218 million. Their five highest-paid players are all past their primes, except for Tanaka, who is one pitch from Tommy John surgery.
Maybe the Yankees take some solace in the fact that they aren't laughably ahead of the pack in terms of payroll. The Dodgers are now in first place ($271 million). Then again, that was the one place the Yankees could claim the pole position. The top spot in the AL East certainly isn't their domain anymore.
So that's why some of us see the Yankees through a darker prism. The Bronx Bombers are about to bomb, for the third straight season. No tweet or Twitter troll can change that truth.