Stephen Colbert sings message to pope on "Late Show"
Stephen Colbert is an admitted fan of Pope Francis, not least of all because the pope called capitalism "the dung of the devil" -- a phrase Colbert claims was also the name of his heavy metal band in high school.
"Francis is totally my favorite pope," confessed Colbert, after he held up a sign on the "Late Show" that said "Welcome Frank" on it.
Colbert even offered Pope Francis a gift if he makes it out to the show.
"The chair is still open for you your holiness, and I am going to sweeten the offer right now and throw in a free pope standee, because it's beginning to freak me out," he said as he held up a life-sized Pope Francis standee.
Colbert said that he was saddened to read an interview where Pope Francis said that he felt his friends were using him.
"'I never have had so many quote-unquote friends until now,'" Colbert read out loud.
"I told him not to join Taylor Swift's girl squad!" said Colbert. "Nothing is worse than finding out your friend is using you to get closer to a more popular friend."
Colbert added that Pope Francis said people should really only have one or two friends, and he made an offer to the pope.
"Your holiness, I can be that friend for you," he said. "We have so much in common. Like you, I was recently elevated to an influential position by an all-seeing power. So you and I can be real friends."
Colbert said in his message to the pope that the two can drink Mike's Hard [Lemonades] while watching "Bachelor in Paradise." He added that he hopes the pope can also give him a special dispensation for "that thing I did in high school.
Then, Colbert took his plea up a notch. He broke into his own rendition of the song "You've Got a Friend," and name-dropped Cardinal Dolan and the pizza rat.
"Just text me a sad face emoji, and soon I will be there with some frankincense and we'll burn that mother down," he sang. "You've got a friend ... even Benedict ... you've got a friend ... can I get an amen."
On Tuesday, Colbert didn't let the pope get off too easy, and gave a him a signature Colbert-style roast. He played a clip of the pope speaking slowly, stumbling on his words in Washington, D.C., and then said, "All right -- English isn't his first language."
He re-read what Pope Francis said in order to clarify to his audience, but used perhaps an even more exaggerated accent than the pope's -- brutal.
Still, Colbert fiercely defended the pope against Congressman Paul Gosar, who is boycotting the pope. In an op-ed for Town Hall, Gosar denounced the pope's fight against climate change and said that he should use "personal time" to do that.
Colbert continued: "This is the Vicar of Christ you're walking out on! I don't give a flying flock what your personal doctrine is, you do not disrespect the Bishop of Rome."
A pope-Colbert is a friendship we'd definitely like to see blossom, even if it's one-sided for now.