Jim Gaffigan: What's the big deal about owning a boat?
Summer fun means boating for countless people around the country. Our Jim Gaffigan has some thoughts on that:
Summer is here, and so are the boats.
I'm not a boat person. I'm not anti-boat. I'm not afraid of the water. I don't get seasick.
I just don't understand what the big deal of being on a boat is.
"We're floating on water. How exciting."
I'm aware boats have and remain an important form of transportation. I appreciate some people make a living using a boat. I even understand that some musicians and celebrities enjoy cavorting on boats to impress fans.
It's the other boat owners that I don't understand -- the seemingly normal people who own boats. Those wierdos.
If you're not using your boat for work, as a place of residence, or to impress shallow friends, why do you own a boat?
Paying insane amounts of money so you can float around in open water, drinking beer in direct sunlight and eating soggy sandwiches from a cooler has very little appeal to me.
My sister, Pam, has a boat on Lake Michigan, and from what I can tell there are roughly seven days during a Chicago summer she can use it. It seems like Macy's Thanksgiving floats are used more often annually.
Some people enjoy "taking their boat out," whatever that means, then eating in a marina. If you are unaware what a marina is, it's a boat parking lot, filled with other weirdos who shovel hundreds of dollars into docking fees and boat maintenance while the polar ice caps melt.
Anyway, did I mention I'm not outdoorsy?
- Almanac: The outboard motor ("Sunday Morning," 04/19/15)
- Artistry on the water: Wooden motorboats ("Sunday Morning," 08/30/15)
More commentaries from Jim Gaffigan:
- Why do Americans all have storage units?
- Jim Gaffigan's love letter to his beard
- Jim Gaffigan turns a cold shoulder to massage
- Grateful on Mother's Day
- On awkward winter sports
- What's to love about Canada?
- Let's pay people to attend school
- On being a practicing Catholic
For more info:
- "Jim Gaffigan: Cinco" (Netflix)
- "Cinco" by Jim Gaffigan -- Available on CD (Amazon and Barnes & Noble) and via digital download (Amazon, Google Play and iTunes)