Jim Gaffigan on what to do about America's overweight statistics
Food! I like food. Well, I like to eat food. This may not surprise you by looking at me. After all, I am overweight.
Most Americans are overweight. Depending on which study you've read (or in my case, which you pretend to have read), 70% of Americans are overweight. 70 percent! That's most of us.
If that many Americans are overweight, shouldn't we just adjust the weight norm?
This is America! We set our mind to something, we can do it!
If you've ever walked through a medieval castle or a colonial home, you can tell by the doorways that humans have gotten taller. So, now we've gotten heavier. Way heavier.
Wouldn't adjusting the American weight norm be easier than three-fourths of this huge country losing weight?
I know I'm not going to lose weight. I don't have time. I have five young children. I tour the country doing stand-up comedy. I act in independent films nobody sees, and I do these "CBS Sunday" commentaries that people take way too seriously and attack me for on social media. Combine all these activities with my major commitment to what can only be described as "violent abusive eating," I don't have time to lose weight.
I don't have time, but more importantly, I don't have the interest.
So, if 70% of Americans are "overweight," that MUST mean that 30% of Americans are "underweight." What about these people? These poor, thin, healthy people – they need our help. 30 percent? That's like an epidemic!
We should help them … by shaming them. I don't care if they can't help it, it's disgusting!
Anyway, I gotta go to brunch.
More commentaries from Jim Gaffigan:
- On losing his appendix
- Jim Gaffigan makes the case for beer that tastes like beer
- On the need for a good nap
- Jim Gaffigan on that other Jim Gaffigan
- On why he doesn't care about the Triple Crown
- On that topic Jim Gaffigan can't talk about
- Skiing is insane
- Why do Americans all have storage units?
- Jim Gaffigan turns a cold shoulder to massage
For more info:
- jimgaffigan.com
- Follow @JimGaffigan on Twitter
Story produced by Sara Kugel.