Jim Gaffigan on saving face while wearing a mask
I'd like to talk to about masks.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna tell you to wear a mask – at this point, we all know why we're wearing these things.
If you leave your house right now and encounter someone, they'll likely look like me. I mean, they'll be wearing a mask. Not everyone is as good-looking as me.
Whenever I see someone with a mask on, they look perfectly normal. They look like a mask pro.
My personal experience with masks has not been so smooth.
My first obstacle is that, well, most adult masks are too small for my head. You see, I have a big head (both physically and metaphorically). You could actually store another head inside of my head. Like, if anyone is missing their head, it might be in here.
I've known I had a large head since middle school, when my football coach announced to the entire team that he had to go to the nearby high school to get a helmet that fit my huge head.
[Don't worry, those kids were super nice.]
I don't find wearing a mask particularly comfortable, but that hasn't stopped me from forgetting I'm wearing a mask. On more than one occasion, I've attempted to eat French fries with my mask on. Luckily, I always dip my fries in ketchup, so … there's no boost to the ego quite like walking around the world with stains from food on your mask.
"Is that blood on your mask?"
"Noooo, no, no, no, it's ketchup."
Be safe, everyone!
See also:
- Week 1: Family life under lockdown
- Week 2: Life in quarantine is like a sitcom
- Week 3: Spring arrives!
- Week 4: Lessons of "distance learning"
- Week 5: Kids, quarantine and sanity are not compatible
- Week 6: Consuming all news, all the time
- Week 7: Jim Gaffigan discovers he misses strangers
- Week 8: On sharing dinner with the masses
- Week 9: On living in unprecedented times
- Week 10: Are we REALLY all in this together?
- Week 11: On not knowing what comes next
- Jim Gaffigan on what dads REALLY want on Father's Day
- Jim Gaffigan on getting the whole lockdown thing wrong
- 2020, please turn your notifications off
- Jim Gaffigan on his first drive-in standup show
- On living in a time warp
- On acquiring a green thumb
- Back to (home) school
- Summer memories, '50s style
- Blondes' bad rap
- On the painstaking, belabored marathon of an election
For more info:
- jimgaffigan.com
- Follow @JimGaffigan on Twitter
Story produced by Sara Kugel. Editor: David Bhagat.